Things That Go Bump…

by KV

    Bullshit of the week:
Lingam: “No, no, no. My learned commissioner, you did not get it right. I said it looks like me, it sounds like me but I will not say 100% that it’s me. The authenticity must be established by my two experts.”
Mahadev: “You do not want to say that it’s 100% you. How many percent would you say it’s you?”

    Honestly, that single interchange in court brings the term “tok kok” to a whole new level. Can somebody thrust a broom up VK Lingam’s ass really soon please? Even if it’s just to wipe that dumb smile of his face. & what’s with the other lawyer Mahadev asking questions like that? Honestly, how many percent would you say it’s you? Learned commissioner my butt crack. If all lawyers are any close to these 2 dicks, then hey, anyone could be a lawyer; a tok-kokker, or as in Bee Movie, a blood-sucking parasite (i.e. a mosquito) with a briefcase.

    You’d be forgiven to mistake the Australian Open 2008 Women’s Singles for Women_singles_semifinalists_1a glamour beauty sports pageant or something ever since the semifinals stage. With all the semifinalists being probably also the 4 most good-looking babes on the courts (perhaps along with Vaidisova), a tennis Grand Slam just went a notch sexier. There’s sweet & gorgeous-faced finalist Ana Ivanovic, then there’s ever-smiling Jelena Jankovic, leggy Daniela B_shara_ivano_0126_01Hantuchova & of course, newly-crowned champion Maria Sharapova, who sounds like she’s being humped when she hits all of her shots. All 4 hot, sweaty, athletic, bloody young, pony-tailed women in sleeveless mini skirt outfits, who also happen to be the 4 best players in this grand slam event, what more could you ask for? You can ask for 2 hotter ones among the 4 to be in the final, which was exactly what happened. The new World No.2 looks really good in baby blue too, although she lost.

    I would like to point out the fact that some Malaysian drivers are really total dumbass fuzz-brained lunkheads. With a plan to catch Cloverfield (2nd time for me!) with birthday boy Vishnu & Derrick at Cheras Selatan Jusco, I was rounding the car park with a dozen other cars, scouting for a parking place. Upon spotting a car about to leave its parking spot, the Waja in front of me stopped to wait to snatch the place. I of course had to stop behind him, along with the other cars behind me, till he parked. Inexplicably, the Waja dude started reversing, even when I was behind him. Shocked, I sounded the horn, but the Waja continued reversing slowly, despite my longer (& more annoyed) 2nd honk at him. I could not reverse either since there was a car behind me, & before I knew it – bump. The Waja reversed into my Proton Hero.

    Who the hell reverses without looking? I was just behind him, a bloody safe distance away too! & I wasn’t even moving! & what, he didn’t hear my honks? As I angrily came out to check on any inflicted damage, I can only hope that whatever the reason for the driver’s idiotness is down to him being blind & deaf at the same time, but noooo, a totally normal Chinese man stepped out (normal, except his apparent brain damage), looking all sheepish. Managing to prevent myself from an outburst, I asked him in a most-controlled voice “you reverse never look behind wan kah?” to which he answered “No wor, I didn’t see you.” Excuse me? I, along with the other dozen cars behind me, were circling the car park behind you all the time? I even honked that son-of-a-beach! & unsurprisingly, that jackass just looked at his own bumper, & seeing no apparent scars, went back into his car without a word of apology. Would you like a middle finger, mister?

    Thankfully he only dented my number plate, if not I would have really demonstrated some of my carving artistic creativeness on any part of his car, I swear. Really, I know that most Malaysian drivers, or KL drivers, have no existing road manners & generally don’t use their brains. Swerving lanes without even signaling, staying too close to the front car, beating the red light, no considerence for people crossing roads at all are only some of our infamous Malaysia Boleh on-the-road spirit. & the best of all, the mystery of how some lady drivers suddenly accelerate for no reason from behind when you want to enter their lane with a signal, like they intentionally don’t want you to be in their lane even though they are behind enough.

    But a ‘blind & deaf’ Malaysian driver, who can actually reverse into a completely non-moving car behind even after 2 loud warning honks? That’s a new one. What a brainless unapologetic cow.

    When is our rigged & corrupted election ever going to happen? I’m interested to see what happens, Badawi is obviously not confident at all & coming out with front page statements that are filled with bullshit & lies about achieving & implementing this that when in truth they have done shit. There is no doubt the opposition parties are also a bunch of crap, but with the current government focusing a lot of efforts on banning the nipples of a singer (along with his whole presence) who just wants to be Superman on stage, blaming women who expose their hair & skin of their hands & ankles & whatever for the increasing rape issues, coming out with comments like “if you can’t fight rape, better lay down & enjoy it” (Haji Roselan Johar Mohamed, K. Kinbalu Umno), it is apparent that, after 50 years, the main issue is the need for a change of authorities, despite the obvious fact that there are no right people to govern our country at the moment, & for a long time. & a big booo to Uncle Sam for trying to cheat the public & filter our newspapers, we all know Batu Caves did NOT have the normal big crowds as in previous years.

    Oh, apparently many people are not enjoying the Cloverfield experience. Derrick & Vishnu were dizzy after it, but still enjoyed it. But I’ve been hearing many of my friends dissing it as a waste of time & a “horrible horrible movie”, & a family in the hall left halfway, with the mother grunting “I wanna vommit dy…”. Bummer really, this was easily 1 of the most intense, gripping, unique & horrifyingly brilliant monster movie for some time now. My heart was still beating hard against my chest during my 2nd viewing, especially during those last helicopter scenes.

    I end this entry with the news that shocked me so much I had to stop the car, upon hearing it over the radio. Below are some of his memorable roles in Brokeback Mountain, Ned Kelly, the upcoming The Dark Knight, A Knight’s Tale, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Brothers Grimm, I’m Not There & with Michelle Williams, who he has a daughter with. Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008), my heart goes out to you, rest in peace.Heath_ledger

Currently hooked on to: Mika’s drive-happy “Happy Ending”.

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