Speed Racer: Cartoonish, Outrageous, Fun!

by KV

    You can actually die from constipation after 3 days? Something hidden is going on…

    There is actually an association for the wives of BN muffinheads? Wtf? & what in the name of Sammy Vellu’s belly are they doing having 9.9 million bucks? Shop like the WAGs of English footballers?

    Kevin & Kareen both agree that Alan has Parkinson’s. He vibrates his head & parts of his anatomy rather violently when laughing. Kevin & Alan both agree that Kareen has down syndrome. All 3 agree, however, that Kevin seems to be the only completely normal one so far.

    Hm, perhaps something is wrong with me somewhere, because well, I actually rather enjoyed Speed Racer.

    There was nothing else to watch over the weekend anyway. So there I was, stepping into the cinema with Alan & Kareen, without having even the slightest of expectations or knowledge about Speed Racer’s anime history, aside from the fact that this is a big screen version by the reclusive Wachowski brothers collaborating with Joel Silver; the same dudes who blew our brains away with The Matrix & actually made Keanu Reeves’s kayu acting look cool. This lack of knowledge of the anime series, coupled with a complete lack of interest in anime anyway, probably led to me thoroughly enjoying the movie as a movie by itself.

    Before you even think of expecting anything, you must understand that this is made to be a live action cartoon film. You want realistic special effects, go watch Transformers again & again, because here, Speed Racer was completely over the top, outrageously colourful & exhilarating. Farking throw realism & logic out the window, because this is just something fantastical shot straight out of a child’s dream. A typical storyline about a young boy making it big in racing only to find out that how dirty the real world of racing is, & how in the end he valiantly tries to be a hero in making a change, I actually felt the childhood joy & excitement I used to have as a boy watching my favourite Saturday morning cartoons on TV years & years ago! From the moment I found out that Speed Racer is actually our boy hero’s name, well, everything fell into place & I just sat back to enjoy the ride & fun. The colours everywhere were ridiculously too strong & outlandish to stomach, & the effects will knock the socks off you with it’s absurdness, but it was all part of the fun! Unless, of course, you are colour-blind…or your mama didn’t allow you to watch cartoons last time, at all.

    & because this was cartoon brought to life, the characters were all, typically, as in all cartoons, 2-dimensional & under-developed. What else could you expect anyway? Thankfully the cast did pretty good with what they had, especially the parents (Goodman & Sarandon) & of course, Mr. Speed himself, played by Emile Hirsch. Okay, perhaps Matthew Fox really should just stick to being Jack in Lost, because after this rather unconvincing Racer X performance, I just think he’s not really cut out for the big screen. I did however wish to see more of Christina Ricci’s Trixie, she was delicious! Rain, making his Hollywood debut, well…he was trying really hard. The villains are also typical & predictable, like the Snake dude…haha, oh well, this is why we all love cartoons anyway.

    When the film gets going & shows the action-packed blazing races, it was thrilling, but sometimes the conversations & the attempts to evoke emotions & moral ambiguity kinda drags. Even the plot becomes rather senseless & confusing at times, but really, who cares? When it came down to the last race, especially towards the grand finale, as our hero recalls moments of his life in his mind as he tears down the tracks, then goes headlong into a crashing battle with 2 cars whizzing all over him, with those hilarious multi-national announcers going furiously bonkers along with the Racer clan hollering hysterically, it was truly a predictable but thumping, satisfying end. I have absolutely no doubt the critics will crucify this movie to bits, but for goodness sake, this is a live action CARTOON flick!!! Criticizing the unrealistic special effects is like comparing PowerPuff Girls to Saving Private Ryan, you dumb old bores. For me, this movie does well as an entertaining summer popcorn adventure, don’t expect anything more than that & you might just come out of the cinema still humming “Go Speed Racer!” , like me.

    Next up, the unappealing Narnia kids & a 60-year-old Indy. Oh, might drop by 1U this Wednesday to catch the acoustic performance of Ma-ree-ayy Digby, since it’s free. Her music does not particularly attract me, but live acoustic performances by a cute chick that’s free? I’m there. Anyway, if she really sucks, which I doubt she will (I mean, she couldn’t be that bad), at least I get to judge whether she really is that gorgeous in real life.

    Kevin badly wants to watch Paramore live & acoustic. Badly. Really really bad.