Blimey, A Tag!

by KV

Pak polis dah beli Lancer Evo so they can catch up with criminals. Now they can be bribed faster than you can say “Settle berape?”!

What the heck, I’m responding to a tag! Courtesy of Emo. Actually, I did not plan to publish this, but then this sucker who calls himself Joshua dared to me do it, so here it is. Breaking the habit indeed. People, this is a temporary departure from what is normally expected of KV’s standards, so I hope you’d all forgive me. Bullshit ahead; you have been warned.

1. How old are you?
Agak-agak around 22 years, 10 months & 20 days old.

2. Are you single?
Nay, am plural.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Hm. Before my billions of Michael Phelps’es start reducing I hope.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
When I was a kid, I was with Beauty from Beauty & the Beast. 10 years ago I was with Liv Tyler. 5 years back I was with Jessica Alba, while juggling affairs with Avril Lavigne & Kristin Kreuk. A year ago I was with Hayley Williams, until I met & had a fling with Mila Kunis. I’m back with Hayley, but does it look like I’m gonna marry the person I am with now when I don’t even know who I will be with tomorrow?

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
Hayley Williams. Just to see the look on Joshua’s face.

6. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
Bitch wed…I mean beach wedding. Wait a sec. The beaches here stink. Garden. Definitely garden!

7. Your ideal motive?
To make love. No wait, just the love. Big difference eh?

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Paris…Switz…& anywhere else she wants to go.

9. How many guests do you think you will invite?
Jessica, Jessica, Avril, Liv, Mila, Jennifer, Jennifer, Keira…a couple more perhaps.

10. Do you want an extravagant or simple wedding?
A wedding is never simple, even when it’s meant to be one.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own?
Of course something I’d crap on my own!

12. How many layers of cake do you want?
There’s cake? Can’t I have a big-ass Cinnabon or Roti Boy instead…

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or simple place?
The hotel is going to be for what’s gonna happen after the wedding…at night.

14. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
The eve to the ning.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Tengoklah forecast hujan ke tak…

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
Uh, I’d be more concerned about the fact that I’m marrying a groom.

17. Name the song/tune you’d want to play in your wedding.
The entire soundtrack of “Pride & Prejudice” by Dario Marianelli. & special vocal performances by Hayley herself, & guest appearances by Mindy Smith, Brooke Fraser & Lisa Hannigan.

18. Are u a morning person or a night person?
I am Kevin by day & Wong Loug Sung by night!

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Light & sweet.

20. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Her last name should be Williams & her first name should be Hayley.

21. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal fork&spoon/knife?
Fine dining also requires fork, spoon & knife.

22. Champagne or red wine?
Everything. On the rocks.

23. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Up to her loh…

24. Money or household items?
Depends. If anyone wants to get me a 70-inch plasma flatscreen & a Bose sound system, feel free to do so.

25. Who will pay for the bills?
Hah! This one ah, you ask the chicks, they sure say share share la, but everyone knows what will really happen!

26. Are you ready for a married life?
I’m afraid of that disease Russell Peters mentioned; Onegina.

27. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?
Hey, someone told me no one is a virgin coz life f**ks us up!

28. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Wife slash husband? A wife can’t be a husband at the same time, especially in bed.

29. How many kids would you like to have?
Wait I ask. Angelina, how many more kids would you want?

30. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
An old…Victorian mansion in Europe…

31. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
When it comes to food, she da boss.

32. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
Have you not learned anything from the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee episode? Oh wait, you’re not talking about that kinda honeymoon…

33. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
Joshua, now that I’ve taken Hayley. What’s your plan B? Wahahahhaa, sucker.

This is what happens when I’ve stayed too long in Mentakab during holidays…