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“It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is now dead.”

Month: February, 2011

“Redbull Is For Pussies”

This film starts off with a safe, standard, rip-off storyline that feels so familiar bordering on the teenage B-grade superhero stuff.

Alien stuck on Earth with protector. Alien happens to be a really kayu Alex Pussyfer but at least knows how to count up to four. Bad bald dudes with fake face tattoos called Mongolians (wait, that sounds wrong, was it Mogadorians? Mangodurians? Mocha Frappucinos?) going after him. Alien dude trying to fit into high school. Alien dude doesn’t quite hit it off with school bully, instead befriends nerd. Alien dude starts shooting lights out of his hands & jumping around waterfall cliffs without getting wet. Alien dude falls for a stunner who happens to be a loner (completely unreal!).

Okay, that also happens to be an impossibly sweet Dianna Agron.

Things only start to pick up when Number Six blazes in & whallops the Mongolians or Mangodurians.

My cinema hall audience erupted into applause after her fight scene. Everyone actually clapped hands, how cool is that! The last time I was in the hall & a movie evoked such response was for Batman Begins.

Can’t help it, a fiery Teresa Palmer was just way too awesome, executing slick moves with such attitude that could easily put Summer Glau’s similarly ass-whooping Cameron in The Sarah Connor Chronicles into the shade. By now I had trouble dividing my focus between the two blondes of Agron & Palmer, especially with Pussyfer’s No. 4 annoyingly appearing all the time. I mean, why are they even bothering to show him? Why are we still following his story? What? You mean this movie is not called I Am Number Six? Or I Am Hot Photographer Chick? Owh…

The following action scenes were pretty neat, I have to say. Throw in a valiant dog into the mix to “awwweeeeee” the teenage girls in the audience, & two mutated monsters which looked like offsprings belonging to the Cloverfield monster after it had intercourse with flying squirrels from Earth, & you have a very fun 2nd half. Oh, that’s also when Alien dude learns he is Son Goku, Luke Skywalker & Justin Bieber in one, knowing how to (1) “kame hame haaaa!!!” single handed style, (2) use the force to lift skirts – I mean, cars – as well as (3) causing No. 6 to achieve a sort of orgasmic seizure with his hands. Weeee.

“Redbull is for pussies”, she purrs in her Australian accent. Well, it’s a damn good thing I take Livita then.

No. 6 saving No. 4’s sorry ass in a rather suggestive, seductive pose. You gotta admit, she’s got style.

I Am Number Four may have been corny & unmemorable most of the time, but I can’t say I didn’t have a bloody entertaining time. Guilty as charged.

The brunettes may have won the battle, but I certainly had a jolly blonde weekend.

I almost forgot, to top off the cheesiness factor, Alien dude happens to be born with the OneGina disease. Riiiigggghhhhhhhhtttttt, “we only fall in love once” is a little too much for me to bear.

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Blondes Vs Brunettes 2011 Edition

Before I ramble off, my prayers go out to the people of Christchurch.

I am in the mood. It’s one of those days where my hormones are just jumping off the walls to “Like A G6” or something. You have been fairly warned.

Let me break it down for you. I have 12 actresses in mind when I think of the biggest ones to look out for in 2011. What I’m going to do is split them into two teams & pit their potentials against each other. 6 blondes versus 6 brunettes; let the hair-pulling begin!

TEAM BLONDE 2011

Leader: Amber Heard

Have you seen The Stepfather? Or And Soon The Darkness? Or her legendary scenes in The Informers? If you haven’t, you better. She is without doubt the most ridiculously mind-blowing blonde ever shaped into a two-piece tiny bikini. Prepare tissues, not for tears you dumbass, for the blood that’s gonna be shooting violently out of your nostrils. After this early-year’s Drive Angry 3D (Heard in 3D, woot!), try not to completely dry up all your juices so you can also catch her seducing Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary.

Hotness: 5 (Freaking full points for her single performance in The Stepfather. Oh yes, All The Boys do Love Mandy Lane)
Talent: 2.5 (I don’t mind her hovering around bikini-goddess roles, but somebody do give her something to prove she’s more than that)


Blonde 1: Dianna Agron

Putting her lovely Quinn Fabray aside, she’s starting to get some silver screen time with I Am Number Four (which also has a kick-ass-looking Teresa Palmer)The Hunters, as well as I’ve-yet-to-see small roles in The Romantics & Burlesque. Screw this, I want to be her Number One & Number Last – her beauty is just out of this world.

Hotness: 5 (Full marks for being a supernatural stunner)
Talent: 3 (5 points if this was about her Glee exploits, but she’s new to the big screen)


Blonde 2: Emily Browning

As tirelessly promoted twice in this blog, Sucker Punch has a truck load of wild sexiness. The idea of seeing the luscious-lipped, adorable, doll-like Browning go berserk as a gun-wielding Japanese-mini-skirted blonde is akin to intense foreplay before you see her getting it on with the other 4 female ball-busters! She also has the advantage of “The Cheerleader Effect” (refer Barney from HIMYM) with such a band of babes sharing screen time with her, but will face stiff competition from the ruthless-looking Abbie Cornish & a scorching Jamie Chung . This is shamelessly a real man’s fantasy, so remind me to bring along my inhaler into the hall.

Hotness: 3 (Mostly for those lips)
Talent: 3.5 (Young talent)


Blonde 3: Jennifer Lawrence

I very much doubt anyone would be watching her in X-Men: First Class for her proven acting chops. Anyways, if that blue suit over-ugly-fies her & her curves,  her next role alongside Mel Gibson in Jodie Foster’s The Beaver should be interesting (no, that title does not refer to any part of Lawrence’s anatomy, you dirty wanker). If that bombs, we can always fall back on the other X-Men: First Class chicks, Rose Byrne & January Jones.

Hotness: 3.5 (Curves at the right places)
Talent: 4 (2010’s breakthrough aside from Tom Hardy)


Blonde 4: Blake Lively

Technically she’s a brunette in The Green Horn-, oops..Lantern, but we know her best as the blondie named Serena with legs that go on forever, so indulge me will ya. Besides, what’s more important is a female pilot with knockers such as hers is always worth checking out. Ryan Reynolds would be the perfect judge, since he did ditch Scarlett Johansson for greener pastures, so to speak.

Hotness: 3.5 (I know a lot of people think she’s drop dead gorgeous, but aside from her figure, sorry, when I think of her, I think of how much more gorgeous Leighton Meester’s Blaire is)
Talent: 2.5 (pretty much the same-o same-o)


Blonde 5: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Regardless whether she makes or breaks it, she has already hit big-time for being known as the model Michael Bay selected to replace Megan Fox’s slow-motion cleavage in Transformers 3: Bulan Sangat Gelap. First impression-wise however, I barely batted an eyelid.

Hotness: 2 (no comment, just not my type. Amber Heard would have been sizzling perfect here)
Talent: 1 (thankfully, we only care about the Autobots & Decepticons)


TEAM BRUNETTE 2011

Leader: Natalie Portman

While she conquered 2010 with one single insane performance in Black Swan, 2011 has her as an endearing sexed-up doctor in No Strings Attached, wearing a medieval thong in Your Highness, & in a sexy scientist coat (probably) in Thor. Massively talented, lovely, hardworking & has her fun side. What’s there not to love about Portman?

Hotness: 3.5 (always been a unique beauty, but THAT scene with Mila Kunis in Black Swan just elevated her hotness factor to epic proportions)
Talent: 5 (awards should be continuing in waves)


Brunette 1: Emily Blunt

There’s just something incredibly, incredibly lovable about Blunt. The pout, those deep eyes, that bloody endearing, distinctive accent. Every inch of her oozes with dazzling elegance in the The Adjustment Bureau trailer (frankly, I don’t think she has ever looked better). &, she was so good she made Gulliver’s Travels almost bearable. Her princess was really quite a hoot!

Hotness: 3 (not your conventional looker, but has genuine appeal that you simply can’t resist)
Talent: 4 (more than held her own against Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, among others. Now that’s saying something)


Brunette 2: Mila Kunis

Kunis defines the term intoxicating beauty & this year she’s going to be Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake. Can you blame Timberlake for looking like a complete doofus here? Hell I would sell my cows & goats to have Mila as my FWB. Her bed-wrestling-making-out scene with Natalie Portman in Black Swan was the reason for 60% of male orgasms in 2010 (the other 40% was due to Amber Heard’s bikini & Anne Hathaway’s boobs). Hang on, both Mila & Natalie are playing friends-with-benefits roles this year…bless them. On another note, an equally fabulous Emma Stone also appears in Friends With Benefits, but she’s a red-head & is disqualified from both teams.

Hotness: 5 (for her exotic – almost erotic, ahem – looks & raspy voice which will always remain eternally desirable, & her amazing dresses on the red carpet)
Talent: 4 (one of the most under-rated actresses around)


Brunette 3: Olivia Wilde

Those eyeeesss, aahhhhhhhh. Look at those eyeeesssssss. Damn. I’m betting all my goats that she will bring peace between the Cowboys & Aliens at the end of the movie, or wipe them all out with her death rays shooting out Cyclops-style. It should be quite a year for her eyeballs as she will also star in the sci-fi Now, & comedic ventures in Butter The Change-Up.

Hotness: 4.5 (I mean, those eyeeessssssss. 2.25 points for each eyeball)
Talent: 3 (she’s fine, but nothing too spectacular yet)


Brunette 4: Rooney Mara

Just waiting for this girl to explode. Initial hype & impressions from David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo are ravishing & extremely promising, so this movie could very well define Mara’s career. Wait, the hair looks black…or is it super dark brown? Oh who cares! Perhaps I should relabel this battle Team Gold vs Team Dark next time around.

Hotness: 3 (bonus for producing killer images like the above)
Talent: 4 (She stole the first 10 minutes of The Social Network. I got me eye on you, Rooney)


Brunette 5: Jamie Chung

Jamie to Team Brunette is what Amber Heard is to Team Blonde, the ultimate epitome of hotness. She’ll have our balls in a twist in Sucker Punch & will knock a teeth or two out  in The Hangover 2. The poster above of her with a lollipop is already forcing guys to, um, stand up straight & pay attention.

Hotness: 4 (Did you see her in Grown Ups?)
Talent: 2.5 (should start branching out from her stereotyped Asian-hot-bitch roles)

The final count…

Team Blonde: Hotness = 22/30. Talent = 16.5 /30. Grand Total = 38.5/60.

Team Brunette: Hotness = 23/30. Talent = 22.5/30. Grand Total = 45.5/60.

While in terms of hotness Team Blonde takes an early lead thanks mainly to the exemplary leadership of Amber Heard (like I said, did you watch The Stepfather? I mean…HOLY COW!), they have 2 weak links. One, in the rather impact-less Blake Lively. Two, in Huntington-Whiteley they have a risk that might even end up as the biggest disaster in 2011. Besides, the accumulative big screen star power of Team Blonde is dim & untested at best. I’m surprised & really thought they would have at least edge out Team Brunette in the hotness count, but with too many fillers, I guess Heard & Agron just couldn’t save the day.

Team Brunette has way too much exciting talent in Portman, Blunt & Mara, coupled with an overdose concoction of sexiness in Wilde & Chung, with Kunis right in the middle bringing balance to the force by being outstanding at both factors. While Team Blonde is filled with yet-to-be-proven potentials still awaiting the chance to be unleashed, Team Brunette relies on a well-proven track record, the exceptional award-winning star power of team leader Portman, the stupendously all-round Kunis, & with each individuality complementing each other without a single weak link in the team. Yes, this team has just the right mix of potential in beauty & substance for 2011, lightening up the path of glory towards an undisputed, devastating victory.

Sooooo…Team Brunette wins this mindless face-off & has the edge on potential to kick-ass in 2011!

BRUNETTES TOTALLY OWNING, HELL YEAH!

& I wonder why I am in Engineering…

I Have Been Diagnosed With A Terminal Obsession, Indefinitely

A random dude had this to express on IMDB about Quinn Fabray’s Dianna Agron:

“She has supernatural beauty.”

I whole-heartedly raise my glass in complete, hopeless agreement to every of the 4 words uttered.

She has made me fall in love. Again.

& again.

aaannnd again.

All that, in one single episode.

So tell me, how could you possibly not fall heads over heels for her?

I need a doctor…call me a doctor…

+  +  +  +  +  +  +

On a different note, or rather, a different kind of obsession…

4.3″ Super Amoled Plus. Orion 1GHz dual-core processor. 1GB RAM.

All within a grasp of 8.49mm.

Read the first takes here.

Skylar Grey@Holly Brook

Wow. Look at her go!

I remember back in 2006, when this blissful, heavenly voice featured in the chorus of Fort Minor’s “Where’d You Go” was first blessed upon my ears, & I went “Who is THAT?”

Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook – Where’d You Go, from the video

Then I heard “What I Wouldn’t Give” on some TV episode. & I went, “it’s gotta be that chick again!”

It soon brought me to Holly Brook Hafermann.

I still remember the conversation I had with Chris that time.

Chris: “If you could download any album now, which would it be?”

KV: “Holly Brook’s.”

Chris: “Really?”

Next day, thanks to him, I had the gloriously poignant, massively under-rated “Like Blood Like Honey” on my iTunes. Do read how I shared the joy in my previous blog here.

4-5 years on & another EP album (“O’ Dark: Thirty”) in 2010, & now she’s everywhere. With a different name.

All her featured & writing credits. Last image above is a video snap of her side project in Deep Deep Sleep’s “Erase You”.

& with a Grammy performance like that with Eminem yesterday, this should be a good year for her. Fan base is already spiking after that stellar show-stealer.

Dear Skylar, I love all this behind-the-scenes-in-the-shadows work. Now, would you please record another solo album for us? I’ve waited too long for another “Like Blood Like Honey”.

A duet with Hayley Williams would be kinda spectacular too, if it’s not asking for too much.

The Day When Cheesiness Is Absolutely Forgiven

“I said, you men should listen to us more!”

“Hey dear, I’m feeling horny…”

“You may be white but you ain’t pure.”

“It’s amazing how much our neck needs to bend so I can kiss you…”

“Man you need a good shave…”

“Yellow & green makes two of us!”

“You don’t have to pretend to kiss my forehead, just say you want me to suck your tits next time k?”

“Let’s do tongue!”

“Man you’re horny.”

“Stop it Jack Black!”

“I’m just so tired of how many times we need to pose like this so that photographers can snap & use our picture as heart-shaped illusions on those damned Valentine’s cards & shit…”

“I would swim the English channel to get to you, I would climb Everest, I would run across the Sahara, I would…stretch my neck across this wooden wall.”

“Look into my eyes…& you will find, what you mean to me.”

“Who said rubbing our long shafts on each other was gay?”

Misleading, Misguided. Brilliant!

I love it when this happens.

When movie trailers totally do not paint the right picture of the actual movie. When posters look totally misleading. In short, when the marketing team suck big time.

It happened to me with Bridge To Terabithia, years back. A trailer that made the movie into a Narnia-lookalike B-grade kiddy movie with really poor fantasy CGI & a very cute Zooey Deschanel as the hot music teacher.

That startling, moving movie, which really was about a coming-of-age mature tale of two lonely children & a very cute Zooey Deschanel as the hot music teacher, left me almost in tears.

Well, this instance repeated itself tonight.

Monsters. With a title like that, you already expect the worst, so I can’t blame you. The embarrassingly misleading trailers would confirm your worse fears. This is Skyline all over again. A Cloverfield/District 9 wannabe. & are those giant octopus aliens? Uh oh. Another mindless alien disaster movie.

WRONG.

Watch it without expecting anything whatsoever, like I did, & the undeniable impact will stay with you. This is a simple love story of two people under extraordinary circumstances. This is a poignant humanity tale told with a post-alien-invasion backdrop. This is Lost In Translation + After Sunset with a little of War of the Worlds serving as the backdrop. This, is just raw beauty.

Let you on another killer trivia: The filming was shot with 2 people using off-the-shelf cameras, with only 2 paid actors. The rest are extras acting on the fly, with on-site real-life situations manipulated into scenes. Budget? $15k. It’s amazing enough this film even existed.

2011 Must-watch Movies Before The World Apparently Ends in 2012

What? There’s only 1 more year before we have to book our flights to Singapore to board the “Noah’s Ark” (that’s the top deck of the Marina Bay Sands) before it deploys when the World ends in the following possible ways?

1. Massive floods like in “2012” & humanity’s hope rests with John Cusack
2. Everything freezes & humanity’s hope rests with Jake Gyllenhaal from “The Day After Tomorrow”
3. Lord Voldemort takes over & humanity’s hope rests on Daniel Radcliffe’s balls Emma Watson
4. The Egyptian President takes over the world & our hopes rest with The Expendables. Oh, I like my odds here.

Anyway, while you ponder on your Bucket List before you die in 1 year’s time, here’s my 15 most anticipated & must-watch movies for the year 2011, in an un-particular order.

Sucker Punch

Babes babes babes, & an overload of babes with big guns & kick-ass acrobatic chops. Gotta be the guiltiest of all guilty pleasures.

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2

For me, the strongest reason to watch this is seeing Emma, Daniel & Rupert on the screen as our beloved trio for the last time.

Super 8

JJ Abrams – checked. Spielberg – checked. Killer trailer that reveals absolutely nothing – checked. Uncontrolled hysteric anticipation – checked checked checked!

Contagion

Something about a virus, but it’s the stellar cast (Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne) & Soderbergh as director that really really intrigues me.

Captain America: The First Avenger

The jury’s still out on Chris Evans. I really hope I don’t get confused in the cinema waiting for him to “flame on!” or expecting Jessica Alba to pop out.

Battle: Lost Angeles

While it looks at first take like a real B-grade stinker that might rival last year’s Skyline, the name Aaron Eckhart carries some weight. Worst case scenario, maybe I’d end up having a good bloody laugh, just like the hilarious romp that was Skyline. Okay okay, I’m a sucker for disaster movies.

Cowboys & Aliens

The title immediately rings “Stinkers!!!”, the trailer did not help (unless you count the audience giggling), but Jon Favreau & Spielberg are behind this, & you get to see James Bond, Han Solo & the best thing about Tron Legacy – the eyes & booday of Olivia Wilde, all together on the big screen.

The Hangover 2

Haha, the guys are coming back! The first was so original & outrageously awesome, you can only hope the sequel does not go down the American Pie dozens-of-B-grade-sequels route.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Never read the auhor’s post-death books, nor the Swedish original. But I’ve always been a fan of director David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club, The Social Network), & I think the ever-talented Rooney Mara (looking superb above) was the most outstanding among all the brilliant things about The Social Network.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Regardless how exhausting, ridiculous & noisy it’s potentially going to be, I’d be a big fat liar if I said I wasn’t going to watch this on the silver screen.

X-Men: First Class

James McAvoy as the young Charles Xavier? Wow, I didn’t see that. What I want to see though, & what I’m already imagining uncontrollably, is Jennifer Lawrence (a blonde Mystique) all blue & naked. Seriously, think about it.

Sherlock Holmes 2

The first one was so entertaining & fun a sequel couldn’t possibly hurt. Besides, it’s Robert Downey Jr playing Robert Downey Jr with an accent. But no Rachel McAdams this time…rats.

Your Highness

2010 was Natalie Portman’s year, & it sure looks like she’s going to be unstoppable in 2011 too. It’s really nice to see she can let loose once in a while (she should be really interesting in No Strings Attached too!). Oh, there’s James Franco! & Zooey Deschanel! One can only hope this will turn out to be A Knight’s Tale + Pineapple Express.

The Adjustment Bureau

The lovely Emily Blunt is one of my favourites, & Matt Damon has always made solid choices.

Red Riding Hood

Amanda Seyfried’s boobs have deservingly taken out the “Little” from the movie title. I don’t know why I want to watch this especially since this comes “from the director of (insert big groan) Twilight”, but I suspect it has something to do with Gary Oldman.

& here are 10 notable misses of Movies-Everyone-Else-is-Anticipating-but-I’m-Like-Duh:

1. The Green Lantern

2. Twilight: The Final Battle to Decide Whether Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson is Hotter

3. Thor

4. The Smurfs

5. Scream 4

6. Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides

7. Fast Five

8. Rise of the Apes (oh dear me)

9. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (oh dear Lord)

10. Drive Angry 3D (on second thought, I’d watch anything with Amber Heard in it).

Hang on a sec, if everything ends come 2012, does that mean I won’t be able to see Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises? Aw man…

Paramore: Today & The Yesteryears

2004, Purpledoor Festival

2005, when “All We Know is Falling” arrived

2006, slowly their fan base grows bigger with frequent touring

2007, the Riot year

2008, The Final Riot

2009, in the studio

2010, MTV Video Music Awards

Today.

Enough of all the complications & chaos. I love their music, & that’s all that really matters.

So, bye guys!

Things will never be the same, yes. But it’s time to move on.

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