Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011: When Heaven Sent Angels Down To Earth To Strut Their Butt Cheeks, Among Others

by KV

Pictures may not be safe for viewing in the office. Unless you work for Hugh Hefner.

It’s the time of the year again! Christmas is coming, sales are everywhere, shoppers going bonkers swiping their credit cards as if everything on sale is for free.

& also, I heard Heaven had a recent temporary shortage of Angels because they sent their front-line stunners down to Earth to strut their thang in Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011.

I won’t lie, I have not been watching the secrets of Victoria on the runway annually since the excellent 2006 edition. I recall that year as being the last of the best, because everything went downhill after that. 2006 was Gisele’s final year as an Angel. She was my favourite, an epitome of elegance, strength & stunning glamour all in one, & the last “true supermodel” (she’s not the highest paid supermodel since 2004 for nothing right?). Miranda Kerr, an excellent replacement, succeeded her in 2007. The 2006 show also had Timberlake as the music artist accompaniment, who proved to be surprisingly effective in line with the show’s themes.

Years on, I sort of lost interest, only browsing through the shows as the lingerie got more ridiculous, the “extra clothing” & wings got even more monstrously elaborate (I thought this was about the lingerie? Less cloth please!) & the music artists, from Will.i.am, to Usher & Katy Perry, were pretty mundane. I also did not agree with how all this additional distractions were slowly taking away some of the spotlight from the Angels themselves.

Thankfully, in my humble inexperienced opinion, this year they finally got it right. Or at least regained some of the past rights.

Now the thing about a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is that it really isn’t about typical fashion is it? There’s no ANTM drama & bitchiness, no pouty models freaking out or pulling another’s hair, no Tyra mail, no gay dudes trying to hog all the cameras. Instead what you get is closer to this quote I sourced from somewhere online – “These dream creatures actually smile. And wink, wave, dance and blow kisses while wearing next-to-nothing lingerie. The VS models are impossibly leggy, rail-skinny yet voluptuously curvy with pretty faces and big, wide smiles.”.

I won’t go on a review rampage of the show from a fashion angle obviously, simply because I know nuts about that. All I know is I thoroughly enjoyed the stunning Angels, the good music & the whole entertainment on display. & these are 8 bloody damn good reasons I truly appreciated this year’s extravaganza, & 4 that made me sort of puke.

1. Alessandra Ambrosio – undisputed Goddess of the night; simply outstanding!

Alessandra was it: the STAR. She certainly did not get the overall better outfits, yet she was beyond jaw-dropping gorgeous this time around. She brought what you would call the X-factor to the show, the A to the Angel, the A to her Alessandra…you get the idea. She worked the fan, the tutu, & not forgetting the heaviest bloody wings ever created for VS, still she was most charismatic & dazzling! Her 30-pound-winged outfit on the top picture above was the best of the night, perfectly captured during her slow-mo shot coupled with Rihanna’s “California King Bed” chorus. That, ladies & gentlemen, is how you capture an EPIC moment. A truly spectacular job, Alessandra.

2. Adriana Lima was all powerrrrrrrrr

Talk about the right energy. Adriana, as always, had the most powerful, dominating presence & walk. No one, not even Wonder Woman herself, could have worked a superheroine outfit like that any better than Adriana. Now when you put Adriana side by side with Alessandra letting loose at the final walk…you just entered Brazilian heaven sans Gisele. Sexayyyyyyyyy.

This is a little too much beauty & love for me to handle

3. Miranda Kerr still has an insanely beautiful smile

Miranda…sigh, ain’t no words left for her. Not so sure about the aquatic 2.5 million bra, ’cause just like Orlando Bloom, I was completely zoning on that insanely cute face of her all the time. Now why are all the hottest this year all moms?!

4. Okay okay, some of the other Angels/models were drool-worthy too

It was obvious Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda were a class (or a cloud?) above the rest of the Angels. However, I would single out a very molten-hot Candice Swanepoel & Doutzen Kroes as the other Angels who delivered. What’s good this year was how the models seemed to really have a good time, the outfits they wore were generally interesting & pretty awesome, all-in-all redeeming some of the spark that was glaringly missing from the previous years. But notice that experience does show: while Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda looked so comfortable swaggering down the runway looking like they were having the time of their lives (almost over-enjoying themselves in fact), the younger ones still looked a little tight & too controlled.

5. I absolutely loved the slow-mo shots

Yes, epic shot of the night

A really nice addition to allow us to “wooooo” at the slowed-down flawlessness of the models in all their glory, which got slightly over-used as the show went on however. But the good overshadowed the bad, just like every of Alessandra & Miranda’s ravishing end-of-the-catwalk shots, & even the Kanye+Jay-Z “hand-bouncing” the crowd sequence. The Adam Levine kiss on Anne V slow-mo was just crap though (har har).

6. The focus was on the Angels/models

The Angels are the stars, & anyone who would argue against that is either stupidly mad or madly stupid. Let me express my absolute gratitude that the general focus were maintained, most deservingly, on the leggy beauties. All the behind-the-scenes & in-between takes were about the Angels themselves. How wonderful it is to just watch & listen to these beautiful creatures of the Earth, clad in their VS pink robes, blabbering in their ultra-attractive varying accents about their past, their superhero powers dreams, their childhood pictures, glossing over each other, looking & sounding really smart. Sure, it may be too sugary & all but who the fark cares. It beats the previous years where they did things like interviewing celebrities on why they were attending the show. Now that, I mean – who the fark cares?

7. The music was Top 40 material, good & effective

Unlike previous years where they did not even bother to at least try to match the music with the themes, this year not only were the music chart-topping material, they went really well with the different themes of the show. Ballet dancers+piano music was a nice touch as the opening introduction…then Bam! You have Taylor Momsen purring to “Make Me Wanna Die” to great effect.  Most of the music were top notch stuff (I said most, but we will get to that later). Kanye did not disappoint with “Stronger”, a song he intended to perform in 2007. On paper this might have seen like a dated choice but this is Kanye, & he worked it. He of course reappeared again with Jay-Z to the bouncing delight of the crowd. The in-between takes scenes even had songs from Florence+The Machine & Coldplay.

8. Sui He & Liu Wen – Asian awesomeness on display

Hurray for Asian power! Sui He especially looked amazing & was a runway sweetheart by all means. Both of them did all of us real proud leading the Asian representation in this year’s show.

But again, what do I know about fashion? Nothing. I just know how to appreciate beautiful women. At least I hope I do. & I know how to criticize too. Here comes the bad bits:

1. The younger crop of girls were just not up-to-par

Only Kanye seemed interested

There was always something extra special about a VS Angel. Look at the likes of Gisele, Heidi, Tyra, Karolina, & current ones like Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda. Aside from that supreme aura of invisibility these legends seem to have, they also know how to look equally as incredibly fit & voluptuously slim at the same time. The younger girls this year however were all skin & bones, looking just sweet & pretty without much depth beyond that. New girl Karlie’s extremely skinny look pretty much summed it up. Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda need to give some lessons to this crop. But heck, what do I know about this right? Maybe you need to be a mom to reach that level of hotness…

2. Maroon 5 & Adam Levine sucked

The music had two sore points. One of them was Maroon’s mediocre live performance (the 2nd is point no.3). Adam Levine didn’t even sound like he was trying to do his best singing, instead just seemed mostly like he was just waiting to publicly show his affection for Anne V. Yea yea, we all know you have a supermodel girlfriend, we know we are not as fortunate as your tattooed ass, you really didn’t need to make it all about you did ya now?

3. Nicki Minaj, bleh

Well, I never fancied her anyway. But she repeated one mistake that hogged many of the previous years’ shows, when the music artists tried to take over the stage with a whole battalion of dancers that were a big farking distraction to the models walking down the runway. While the whole PINK section this year was pretty much a Minaj section & her “Super Bass” was undoubtedly catchy enough, there were just too many colours & dancers that gave me nothing but an eye-sore.

4. What? No Rosie?

I do not know why she did not walk, maybe she was too busy saving that pussyboy ass of Shia, or donning a Burberry trench coat. Whatever the reason, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s imperious pout & attitude would have capped off 2011’s edition quite nicely.

So, 8 vs 4. Safe to say, this year they indeed got it right.

Yes, I’ll see you next year girls!

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