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“It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is now dead.”

Category: Bullshit

The Never-ending Obsession, Obligation & Oogling

I solemnly swear that this will be my last post about Girls’ Generation.

For the time being.

I apologize, but I can’t seem to stop blabbering about them. Couple that with my furious passion to rank everything within my reach, & here you have an entry where I will, in my most immature, child-like, shallow, judgmental review, rank the best-looking (& mention the worse-looking one too) Girl in 15 of their more noteworthy music videos through the years, from the very beginning. Why? Because it’s fun. Is it useful? Nope. Then why do I still do it? Because it gives me bliss, word.

1. “Into The New World” – The good days when the girls were at their most natural, with almost zero noticeable makeup (gasp! checkout Seohyun’s eyebags!). While my favourite Taeyeon looks farkingadorable & so awesome with aviation goggles working on an airplane’s internal components & then piloting it, Tiffany edges ahead with that outrageous eye-smile, lip-smile & that innocent short hairdo.

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2. “Girls’ Generation”Taeyeon, hands-down. This was her prime era, anyone thinks otherwise is retarded. Yoona, a distant second.

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3. “Kissing You” – Lollipops! This is a tough one because it was an overdose of cuteness (which becomes tiresome quickly), truth be told I can’t single out the best-looking one, but I know who was the most agonizingly horrendous one. Someone should fire the person in charge of Hyoyeon’s makeover.

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4. “Day By Day” – Okay, this is not actually a music video, rather the screensaver by Daum in which all of the girls look endearing. While I liked how Yuri “wipes clean” your screen, a flirty Taeyeon just about redefines the significance of a simple scoop of ice cream.

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5. “HaHaHa” – Cute outfits, cute colours. & when you see the word cute, you know who wins. Uh oh, she’s clearly leading the pack…

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6. “Gee” – The Holy Grail song that launched them into superstardom. It’s a close tie between the cute-as-a-button Sunny & sweet Yoona, but I do not know why I feel obliged to award Yoona not only for this but for her overall consistency.

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7. “Genie” – & the winner is…all of their legs. This is for me the definitive tune for SNSD, & the track that introduced me to their heaven-thy-kingdom-come legs. But if I were to choose one face & am barred from choosing Taeyeon again, I would vote for Sunny, whom I almost forgot does long locks very very well.

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8. “Oh!” – Another complicated one. While a highschool cheerleader theme for these 9 girls seem like a sure-overkill, I don’t quite dig the pink+big curly hair section. But enter the next pompons-with-blue-singlets section & Sunny just knocks it out of the park with her desirability!

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9. “Run Devil Run” – Outstanding Taeyeon rampages over to the hot-vixen era, leaving behind the cute era. Absolutely explosive stuff. This is probably the easiest win.

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10. “Hoot!” – The Bond-girl theme was good stuff, & Sooyoung (who has the strongest cheekbones that complement her very beautiful face structure) rocks the look especially with that perfect hairdo.

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11. “The Boys” – Hmmm, wanted to give this to Jessica until I was reminded of Sunny‘s absolutely smashing short hairdo. Her transformation into this hot-blooded-sassy version of her was so enigmatic I almost wanted the other 8 girls to stay out of the picture. Well okay that’s harsh, at least Jessica & Yoona were worthy equals during the intro scene.

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12. “Mr. Taxi” – This marked the arrival of Sooyoung who before this started a lil’ rough but has matured into a full-bloomed porcelain beauty.

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13. “Bad Girl” – Love the song, love even more the choreography. But truth be told none of the girls truly rocked the bad girl look, so I’ll hand it over to young Seohyun as she made the most improvement & looked most convincing here.

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14. “All My Love Is For You” – While I missed Tiffany‘s all-natural look in the beginning & generally detest her recent increase in makeup & hair colour, I have to say, she looks incredibly perfect from every single camera angle in this gorgeous video.

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15. “I Got A Boy” –  A clear winner in Yuri! Whoever did her makeover & clothes absolutely hit a homerun. From the aviators, to the blue highlights of her hair, a smoking Yuri takes away the winner’s cheque away from the very consistently good-looking Yoona, whom I have noticed have been placed 2nd many times in my rankings.

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Final score:

1. Taeyeon – 4 wins
2. Sunny – 3 wins
3. Tiffany – 2 wins
4. Sooyoung – 2 wins
5. Yoona – 1 win
6. Yuri – 1 win
7. Seohyun – 1 win
8. Jessica – Nada
9. Hyoyeon – Negative 1
 

So in a surprising twist, Jessica Jung, voted world no. 5 most beautiful face in the recent 23rd Annual Independent Critics List of the 100 Most Beautiful Faces, gets no wins. Unsurprisingly of course, Kim Taeyeon wins everything as always :p.

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What Ringtones Say About Your Ass (Accompanied By Angels)

It’s 3pm, 7 hours on the dot since the meeting kicked off, with no end in sight. Tensions are high as a group of important-looking asses are engaged in a heated, endless, suffocating debate that consists of many jargons that you don’t really need to know about except that a lot of ka-ching is involved. Someone breaks a sweat. Someone else shifts his colossal ass uncomfortably. On one end a lanky bloke gulps down a bottle of Evian water to quench a little of his exhausted throat thirst, getting ready to launch another tirade against the other belly-overload guy on the other end of the table, most eager to tell him that everything about him is wrong. The belly-overload guy stares back at him, ready to receive & fire back an onslaught of rebuffs, also secretly sniggering underneath because he’s been screwing that lanky bloke’s vivacious wife for years now & the lanky bloke has no idea. But I digress. In short, it’s a typical shitty meeting of a bunch of important-looking people.

Then, someone’s cellphone starts ringing. Oops, he forgets to silent his phone, so the whole room hears a hilarious Russell Peters shout “Be A Man!”, then switching to “Somebody gonna get hurt real bad tonight” blaring out of those miserable iPhone 4 ass speakers. Bam! Tension’s gone. Everyone snorts. “Shit that ringtone’s funny. This dude’s wacked awesome!”, you’d think.

Same situation, instead this time it starts with the “Everyday I’m shuffling” of LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem”. Immediately this goes into your mind – “Oh, pretty cool song. Probably would bump into him in Zouk on Fridays.”

Imagine the same situation again. Now you hear a baby giggling uncontrollably. You go “awww…so cute.”

Last case scenario. Any song cut from that insufferable kid named Bieber. “*explitives* LOSER” flies straight through your mind. Right?

Suffice to say a ringtone, or any type of notification blaring from your phone inadvertently subjects you to some sort of judgement of your own personality by those unfortunate enough to have experienced the decibels. A quick browse through CLEO & online sources & here I’ve done a quick 5 minute summary (quoting from the sources & adding a lil of  my own words too) of the types of ringtones & what they say about oneself. So, which are you?

Oh yea, on a totally unrelated but still related topic, I’m just going to be posting images of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011’s backstage moments in random in this article. Simply because my mind keeps switching back to those leggy stunners, aren’t they much more interesting anyway?

Back to the list. Here goes!

1. Silent

You are probably the strong & silent type, in addition super-considerate above all else that your personal calls do not bother anyone. Which probably means you are a workaholic.

2. Default (a.k.a. those Nokia tones)

Either you are too busy for your own good, or this reveals your inability to keep up & master technology. Oi don’t know how to change ringtone kah?!

3. Animal Sounds

You’re a prankster who loves those dumbfounded looks on people when they hear the mating sounds of a group of horny monkeys. Or, you’re into bestiality.

4. Chart toppers

You see life as a popularity contest & yourself as a social butterfly. Popular jams have mass appeal & as much as you don’t admit or would like to pretend otherwise, you like to be liked.

5. Hip-Hop, R&B with some Obscenity Thrown In

You are those with some passive aggressive social issues who love putting on a swagger, often seen talking or tweeting about the week’s shenanigans. Boss probably won’t be able to take you seriously when Akon whines about “wanting to fark you” from time to time. You may also need counseling in your near future.

6. Heavy Rock or Pop

You’re on the nervous side, you like the big city, and you just hate feeling trapped. You tend to move quickly, but don’t always consider the consequences. You drive a sports car or a funky truck, and you drive it pretty fast.

7. Movie or TV Themes

You most likely do not have enough drama or challenges in your own life. Or you are running away from your own life.

8. Country, Soft Rock or Oldies

You’re a romantic—a nostalgic, with a keen sense of rhythm. You like to dance (or would like dancing if you’d ever bothered to learn). You would rather be a follower than a leader, and you are charitable.

9. Jazz

You are an explorer, both anxious to try new things but with a little patience thrown in.

10. Classical Music

You’re a genius with impeccable tastes! Or that’s what you’d like people to think. You aren’t fooling anyone into thinking that you’re a connoisseur of the finer things in life.

11. Custom-made ringtones

You have a unique personality, an entrepreneur of originality. You don’t follow the crowd, but dance to your own drummer. It is also highly likely you are mostly a swaggering egoistic leader with big balls.

12. Themes from either Sesame Street, Star Wars or ICQ

You think you are all retro, vintage coolness, but you are just a Big Bang geek. Not a bad thing though, you may have a Penny waiting for you somewhere out there.

13. You Change Your Ringtone A Lot

You have Attention Deficit Disorder. Fickle, undependable & bored easily. At work, you’re that dude that always checks out early, & in life, you’re that dude that goes through a woman a day (or attempts, & fails miserably, to do so)

14. Justin Bieber

You’re a loser who does not belong on this planet. (fine, I made this one up completely on my own)

So! Let’s see what my current diagnosis is.

1. Main general ringtone: Coldplay feat. Rihanna’s “Princess in China”, which I personally rearranged heavily to fuse only the best parts together. A yet-to-be released-on-the-radio track that is a curious concoction of modern pop between 2 unlikely artists, which falls somewhere in the likes of no. 13 & 6…I’m a swaggering egoistic unique leader with big balls who drives a sports car or a funky truck.

Dang, so close.

2. Personal favourite contact ringtone: Santana+Mercedes with Glee’s version of “Someone Like You/Rumour Has It”. Um, a little bit of no. 4, 6 & 7? I’m a social butterfly that drives a funky truck running away from my own life. Har har.

3. SMS ringtone 1: StarCraft Terran Command going “Bleep! Nuclear launch detected…”. Nerd alert!

4. SMS ringtone 2: Coldplay’s “Life in Technicolor II (Prospekt’s March)”. I seem to own many funky trucks.

What’s yours? Stop cheating, & don’t you even dare change that Bieber ringtone of yours…(insert violent evil laugh here).

This is just bonkers.

Blondes Vs Brunettes 2011 Edition

Before I ramble off, my prayers go out to the people of Christchurch.

I am in the mood. It’s one of those days where my hormones are just jumping off the walls to “Like A G6” or something. You have been fairly warned.

Let me break it down for you. I have 12 actresses in mind when I think of the biggest ones to look out for in 2011. What I’m going to do is split them into two teams & pit their potentials against each other. 6 blondes versus 6 brunettes; let the hair-pulling begin!

TEAM BLONDE 2011

Leader: Amber Heard

Have you seen The Stepfather? Or And Soon The Darkness? Or her legendary scenes in The Informers? If you haven’t, you better. She is without doubt the most ridiculously mind-blowing blonde ever shaped into a two-piece tiny bikini. Prepare tissues, not for tears you dumbass, for the blood that’s gonna be shooting violently out of your nostrils. After this early-year’s Drive Angry 3D (Heard in 3D, woot!), try not to completely dry up all your juices so you can also catch her seducing Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary.

Hotness: 5 (Freaking full points for her single performance in The Stepfather. Oh yes, All The Boys do Love Mandy Lane)
Talent: 2.5 (I don’t mind her hovering around bikini-goddess roles, but somebody do give her something to prove she’s more than that)


Blonde 1: Dianna Agron

Putting her lovely Quinn Fabray aside, she’s starting to get some silver screen time with I Am Number Four (which also has a kick-ass-looking Teresa Palmer)The Hunters, as well as I’ve-yet-to-see small roles in The Romantics & Burlesque. Screw this, I want to be her Number One & Number Last – her beauty is just out of this world.

Hotness: 5 (Full marks for being a supernatural stunner)
Talent: 3 (5 points if this was about her Glee exploits, but she’s new to the big screen)


Blonde 2: Emily Browning

As tirelessly promoted twice in this blog, Sucker Punch has a truck load of wild sexiness. The idea of seeing the luscious-lipped, adorable, doll-like Browning go berserk as a gun-wielding Japanese-mini-skirted blonde is akin to intense foreplay before you see her getting it on with the other 4 female ball-busters! She also has the advantage of “The Cheerleader Effect” (refer Barney from HIMYM) with such a band of babes sharing screen time with her, but will face stiff competition from the ruthless-looking Abbie Cornish & a scorching Jamie Chung . This is shamelessly a real man’s fantasy, so remind me to bring along my inhaler into the hall.

Hotness: 3 (Mostly for those lips)
Talent: 3.5 (Young talent)


Blonde 3: Jennifer Lawrence

I very much doubt anyone would be watching her in X-Men: First Class for her proven acting chops. Anyways, if that blue suit over-ugly-fies her & her curves,  her next role alongside Mel Gibson in Jodie Foster’s The Beaver should be interesting (no, that title does not refer to any part of Lawrence’s anatomy, you dirty wanker). If that bombs, we can always fall back on the other X-Men: First Class chicks, Rose Byrne & January Jones.

Hotness: 3.5 (Curves at the right places)
Talent: 4 (2010’s breakthrough aside from Tom Hardy)


Blonde 4: Blake Lively

Technically she’s a brunette in The Green Horn-, oops..Lantern, but we know her best as the blondie named Serena with legs that go on forever, so indulge me will ya. Besides, what’s more important is a female pilot with knockers such as hers is always worth checking out. Ryan Reynolds would be the perfect judge, since he did ditch Scarlett Johansson for greener pastures, so to speak.

Hotness: 3.5 (I know a lot of people think she’s drop dead gorgeous, but aside from her figure, sorry, when I think of her, I think of how much more gorgeous Leighton Meester’s Blaire is)
Talent: 2.5 (pretty much the same-o same-o)


Blonde 5: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Regardless whether she makes or breaks it, she has already hit big-time for being known as the model Michael Bay selected to replace Megan Fox’s slow-motion cleavage in Transformers 3: Bulan Sangat Gelap. First impression-wise however, I barely batted an eyelid.

Hotness: 2 (no comment, just not my type. Amber Heard would have been sizzling perfect here)
Talent: 1 (thankfully, we only care about the Autobots & Decepticons)


TEAM BRUNETTE 2011

Leader: Natalie Portman

While she conquered 2010 with one single insane performance in Black Swan, 2011 has her as an endearing sexed-up doctor in No Strings Attached, wearing a medieval thong in Your Highness, & in a sexy scientist coat (probably) in Thor. Massively talented, lovely, hardworking & has her fun side. What’s there not to love about Portman?

Hotness: 3.5 (always been a unique beauty, but THAT scene with Mila Kunis in Black Swan just elevated her hotness factor to epic proportions)
Talent: 5 (awards should be continuing in waves)


Brunette 1: Emily Blunt

There’s just something incredibly, incredibly lovable about Blunt. The pout, those deep eyes, that bloody endearing, distinctive accent. Every inch of her oozes with dazzling elegance in the The Adjustment Bureau trailer (frankly, I don’t think she has ever looked better). &, she was so good she made Gulliver’s Travels almost bearable. Her princess was really quite a hoot!

Hotness: 3 (not your conventional looker, but has genuine appeal that you simply can’t resist)
Talent: 4 (more than held her own against Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, among others. Now that’s saying something)


Brunette 2: Mila Kunis

Kunis defines the term intoxicating beauty & this year she’s going to be Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake. Can you blame Timberlake for looking like a complete doofus here? Hell I would sell my cows & goats to have Mila as my FWB. Her bed-wrestling-making-out scene with Natalie Portman in Black Swan was the reason for 60% of male orgasms in 2010 (the other 40% was due to Amber Heard’s bikini & Anne Hathaway’s boobs). Hang on, both Mila & Natalie are playing friends-with-benefits roles this year…bless them. On another note, an equally fabulous Emma Stone also appears in Friends With Benefits, but she’s a red-head & is disqualified from both teams.

Hotness: 5 (for her exotic – almost erotic, ahem – looks & raspy voice which will always remain eternally desirable, & her amazing dresses on the red carpet)
Talent: 4 (one of the most under-rated actresses around)


Brunette 3: Olivia Wilde

Those eyeeesss, aahhhhhhhh. Look at those eyeeesssssss. Damn. I’m betting all my goats that she will bring peace between the Cowboys & Aliens at the end of the movie, or wipe them all out with her death rays shooting out Cyclops-style. It should be quite a year for her eyeballs as she will also star in the sci-fi Now, & comedic ventures in Butter The Change-Up.

Hotness: 4.5 (I mean, those eyeeessssssss. 2.25 points for each eyeball)
Talent: 3 (she’s fine, but nothing too spectacular yet)


Brunette 4: Rooney Mara

Just waiting for this girl to explode. Initial hype & impressions from David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo are ravishing & extremely promising, so this movie could very well define Mara’s career. Wait, the hair looks black…or is it super dark brown? Oh who cares! Perhaps I should relabel this battle Team Gold vs Team Dark next time around.

Hotness: 3 (bonus for producing killer images like the above)
Talent: 4 (She stole the first 10 minutes of The Social Network. I got me eye on you, Rooney)


Brunette 5: Jamie Chung

Jamie to Team Brunette is what Amber Heard is to Team Blonde, the ultimate epitome of hotness. She’ll have our balls in a twist in Sucker Punch & will knock a teeth or two out  in The Hangover 2. The poster above of her with a lollipop is already forcing guys to, um, stand up straight & pay attention.

Hotness: 4 (Did you see her in Grown Ups?)
Talent: 2.5 (should start branching out from her stereotyped Asian-hot-bitch roles)

The final count…

Team Blonde: Hotness = 22/30. Talent = 16.5 /30. Grand Total = 38.5/60.

Team Brunette: Hotness = 23/30. Talent = 22.5/30. Grand Total = 45.5/60.

While in terms of hotness Team Blonde takes an early lead thanks mainly to the exemplary leadership of Amber Heard (like I said, did you watch The Stepfather? I mean…HOLY COW!), they have 2 weak links. One, in the rather impact-less Blake Lively. Two, in Huntington-Whiteley they have a risk that might even end up as the biggest disaster in 2011. Besides, the accumulative big screen star power of Team Blonde is dim & untested at best. I’m surprised & really thought they would have at least edge out Team Brunette in the hotness count, but with too many fillers, I guess Heard & Agron just couldn’t save the day.

Team Brunette has way too much exciting talent in Portman, Blunt & Mara, coupled with an overdose concoction of sexiness in Wilde & Chung, with Kunis right in the middle bringing balance to the force by being outstanding at both factors. While Team Blonde is filled with yet-to-be-proven potentials still awaiting the chance to be unleashed, Team Brunette relies on a well-proven track record, the exceptional award-winning star power of team leader Portman, the stupendously all-round Kunis, & with each individuality complementing each other without a single weak link in the team. Yes, this team has just the right mix of potential in beauty & substance for 2011, lightening up the path of glory towards an undisputed, devastating victory.

Sooooo…Team Brunette wins this mindless face-off & has the edge on potential to kick-ass in 2011!

BRUNETTES TOTALLY OWNING, HELL YEAH!

& I wonder why I am in Engineering…

40 Things I Would Do If I Was Made Prime Minister

1. Appoint Daphne Iking as my Deputy, & Marion Caunter my PA. What? A leader is nothing without the team behind him.

2. Scrap the entire 1Malaysia Tower project & use the money to pay Daft Punk to reinvent the music of Negaraku.

3. & if there was leftover money, I’d pay Kimi Raikonnen to come over & appoint him Pengarah JPJ.

4. Ban people from bringing children or babies into bars, or fathers (& mothers) from smoking in public right beside their babies/child. Come on people.

5. Invite Paramore & Katy Perry into my Putrajaya office. & all you rakyat too. We are so gonna have a rockstar party there, & thus bring some life to Putrajaya.

6. Stay away from Mongolian women, especially those who happen to have “Altantuyaa” in their names.

7. Not marry someone who has the tendency to play with C4 explosives.

8. Send my children to Hogwarts.

9. Ban all Justin Bieber & Miley Cyrus music from the local radio airwaves.

10. Hannah Tan is my Home Minister. She’ll keep the peace & the naughty boys at bay for sure.

11. Call Hillary Clinton to tell her “Ma’am, I like you – but I like your husband more”.

12. Call Obama every evening & ask him “Hey, so how much more screwed-up is your country today?”

13. Send a postcard to George Bush with only one word on it – “WANKER!”

14. Send a vulgar sms to Silvio Berlusconi.

15. Local Censorship Board – off you go.

16. & with that, put “Californication” on RTM1.

17. Ban all 3D movies from cinemas. For eternity.

18. Award Datukship to Carmen Soo.

19. Give Malaysian citizenship to Katy Perry & Russell Brand! Just because I can. Now wouldn’t that be grand.

20. Make international artists’ concerts a monthly affair, & ensure Lady Gaga is on the list. Come come Coldplay, Muse, Paramore (again & again!), Lifehouse, Metallica, Radiohead, Sara, Ingrid…

21. MIC new president – Russell Peters in da house!

22. Make El Regina Tajuddin or Leong Mun Yee my Youth & Sports Minister.

23. Add Samy on Facebook so I can show my utmost gratitude towards him with a wall post – “Thanks macha…for stepping down. Regards, PM.”

24. Create a “Minister for Magic” post, who will take care of the welfare of all “Muggles” in this beloved country. & the post goes to…Emma Watson. Gotta get her a Malaysian citizenship first though.

25. Namewee, I’m making you Minister in my new Music Ministry.

26. Give the Health Minister post back to Chua Soi Lek. Hey, you gotta give some credit to the man’s health.

27. Crack down on the number of foreigners entering our country. I want my wantan mee or chicken rice made & served by locals once in a while, thank you very much.

28. Too bloody many Old Town White Coffees. Chop chop.

29. Give a public holiday to every of Nicol David & Lee Chong Wei’s international victories.

30. Ask Nurul Izzah Anwar out for a date on the pretext of forging closer ties among opposing parties.

31. Demand Glee to give me a guest spot as Quinn Fabray’s one night stand. My scenes would naturally involve alot of making-out with Dianna Agron.

32. Replace daily prime time news with David Letterman.

33. Rename Ron 95 as Ron 1Malaysia, & Ron 97 as Ron-Takde-MyKad.

34. Finally get to ask Proton “What in the bloody hell were you thinking when you made Proton Juara & Proton Tiara?!”

35. Still thinking what I should do with that Proton Inspira thingy.

36. Taxes…hmm. *Cracks knuckles*

37. Tolls too. I think you know where they are going.

38. Enforce a law on swimming pool attire – only proper swimming trunks, swimsuits or bikinis are allowed, anything else is considered illegal laundry in the pool.

39. Well, I always wanted to go to Space…

40. & finally, I would of course have to end global warming, support charities, increase minimum wages, increase petrol subsidies, support world peace, improve public transportation, better the economy, lower automobile sales taxes, harsher penalties for child rapists, drunk drivers, & other typical assholes, increase government transparency in all crap, & all the other usual yada yada yada hogwash.

Disclaimer: The fact that I have to put a disclaimer (& unless you are just really dumb or can’t understand English) should clearly indicate that this post is pure bullshit & not ISA-worthy.

I am a Freakin’ PARAWHORE & I am Going to Miss All of This

I am officially depressed.

Gonna scream my lungs & balls off at the sea tonight.

There’s Just Something About Q

Many of us all love Glee for multiple reasons.

There’s the music of course. The cheerful vibrant mood & the harmless fun. Who can deny the awesomeness of Coach Sue Sylvester? Or Mr. Schuester’s suaveness & moves? Or Puck’s massive egoistic charm?

Sure, the 2nd season has nothing to shout about so far. The covers & remixes (or lack of) are getting a little too unoriginal & just seems to just be there for the sake of being there. Example? Look at how Lea Michelle butchered & excessively wailed through “The Only Exception”. As a matter of fact, there have been only 3 noteworthy things to remember so far. First, the cute but saucy toilet-duet (or should I say duel) of “Telephone” where a refreshing Charice kicked Lea’s butt, followed by an all-guns-blazing Brittany channeling Britney Spears & looking remarkably hot doing that.

&, the return of the ever-gorgeous Quinn Celeste Fabray.

I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again – to me, Quinn Fabray is the ultimate blonde, & the ultimate cheerleader. Yes, Miss overbearing-sulky Hayden Panettiere, Dianna Agron’s Quinn is who I’d really call a friggin’ hot cheerleading captain.

Quinn is someone whose beauty & attractiveness is vastly under-rated from pictures & stills. She’s someone you need to embrace when in motion. From dancing & looking ridiculously stunning in “Say A Little Prayer For You”, to when she pranced around singing “Papa Don’t Preach” (HOTTTT) with Puck, I was hopelessly owned.

Sure, she looks hot among many other things, but her evil death stares are on a whole different level. That single ruthless stare is equally as malevolent as it is wickedly seductive.

When Quinn shot that dazzling smile of hers, rainbows parted the skies, & our hearts melted with sprinkles of warmth. Her laughs would create male orgasms across the planet.

Just when you thought Quinn couldn’t get any more interesting, a shock twist in the 1st half of Season 1 in which she got pregnant was thrown at us. Agron soften our hearts with an incredibly poignant potrayal of Quinn’s fragile conflicted side. Now that’s just a killer – we all love to see the gentle frail side of a queen bee bitch, especially played with such aplomb by Agron. That heart-wrenching scene between Quinn & her parents was particularly memorable.

& it’s not just that. She’s got a cute unique voice (not her best but still, cute), her moves are always an extra joy to watch & her stage personality is always always memorable despite limited screen time. Remember those last few breaths of hers in “Keep Holding On”? They left me…well, breathless. & ooohh..she totally rocked the Gaga look!

Preggers but still bloody hot, lol.

So now that she’s gone through all the downs of Season 1, it is awesome & satisfying to see Quinn Fabray back in total mojo control as the Cheerios captain!

Strangely, I seem to be the only male representative who is totally smitten by Quinn’s allure & individuality. My bros keep saying I’m over-rating her, & even more baffling, I have many female friends who are instead on my side! Guys, what’s there not to like? She blazes with molten hot sexiness, demure beauty & eternal sweetness! She’s the most ruthless yet endearing (oxymoron alert!) bitch ever seen on screen! She’s like hot muffins but completely made out of muffin tops! She’s like an overdose of Häagen-Dazs! She would turn Kurt straight if it were in the real world!

Now, before you start thinking I’ve gone a little bonkers & am beginning to sound like I’m spreading some blonde-female-worshiping-religious-fanaticism-version of Robbert-Pattinson-mania, my whole point here is simple – I want more solos & screen time for Agron’s Quinn. Sure, Lea Michelle’s vocal range is vast, but I’ve had just about enough of the over-wailing & over-the-top facial expressions. The upcoming episode 4 duet between Quinn & the new kid looks really promising (man it was sweet), so it does look like New Directions is pointing in the right direction.

Till then, I’m just gonna sit here & fantasize about being Puck when Quinn mischievously cracked an egg on his head, which then erupted into a real messy baking mêlée.

Craaaaccckk! Yummy.

Or I’d settle with Quinn fretting my chords on the guitar…

“Lucky” is an understatement.

Sigh.

Of Stunning Women & 1 Who Can’t Sing

Latest entry into ‘Bizarre Facts About My Country’: “Operasi Sayang Remaja” & “Valentine’s Day Trap”, coming to your town soon, to check your panties! How they gonna do that beats me…

I’ll start with the one who brings karaoke to a whole new level.

Taylor Swift – 8 Grammy Nominations. 4 Grammys. & she can’t even sing in tune.

Look, let me first say I really really REALLY want to NOT hate her. To be honest, I have not much against her, I find her pretty sweet (to the point of being a little annoyingly fake) but ultimately, negligible. I’ve refrained very much from completely blowing my top on her songwriting skills attempts for months now, while continuing to snort in silence at her live performances. Now however, seems like the about-time moment to let loose some of my long-suppressed Cowellness. It only took me this long to confirm that Taylor Swift can’t sing because the last time I saw her live, it was a duet with Miley Cyrus. Alongside a constipated-walrus-on-helium-sounding Cyrus, Swift actually seemed good. Go figure.

Stevie thinking whatthehellamIdoinghere

Let’s just focus on her utterly embarrassing Grammy performance. To put it plainly, she was off-key, she was struggling, & she completely tanked. & I don’t mean there were moments of it, it was the entire excruciating 3-song live session. Randy would have said “pitchy”, Paula would have muttered sheepishly “I think you look really gorgeous today” (which I would beg to differ, I would give it to Swift’s Taylor Koa) & Cowell, on a good day that is, would rate it as “nauseating, utter rubbish & a complete mess”. Yes, the legendary Stevie Nicks was the completely wrong pairing as well, but nothing could have been more annoyingly obvious than Swift’s shocking lack of vocal ability. Yup, I said shocking, even more shocking than Katy Perry’s cleavage.

Seriously?!

Even her onstage antics were a little too desperate for me. No Miss Swift, you can’t always get away by flashing your dazzling smile & that cutesy “humble” look.

Believe me, we are as OMG as you are, Taylor

Now before all you Swiftards start defending her by saying she’s really “young”, & she is ” a great songwriter”, or that she is “the most honest writer of recent times” or whatever other crap you can muster, let me just say one thing: She won 4 f-ing Grammys, so singing A LITTLE in tune live is a minimum requirement. After all, it’s the least she could do seeing that her songs are harmless forgettable tunes with naive lyrics. She’s 20, not some 11-year-old pre-puberty blondie. & yes, though she does write from the heart, let’s be frank here, her lyrics are amateurish at best. Stating that she is a talented writer is like claiming that Katy Perry has small boobs. I have to admit, Swift’s record sales & popularity justifies her great success, especially in 2009. Her melodies are easy on the ears & bubble-gummish, but seriously, Album of the Year? Her collection of repertoires is more HARMLESS than FEARLESS.

Right, I sound extremely pompous now, so let me bring myself back to earth a little. Taylor Swift is the kinda girl your mom & dad would not just love, but would encourage you to adore. She’s really quite harmless, & she warrants her radio-overplaying periods. I do not mind even in the slightest having someone like Swift around on the airwaves & on the tube, especially when she is as delightfully easy-on-the-eyes as Swift is. I haven’t forgotten that credit is due for her brave performance right after being dissed onstage by Kanye. But 4 Grammys? Let’s face it, Lady Gaga‘s monstrously fantastic album deserves everything more than Swift, & truth be told I don’t even believe Swift deserved most of the nominations. Besides, Carrie Underwood beats Swift anytime as the artist who does the country-pop crossover better, aside from the glaring fact that Underwood’s vocals are tremendous (& personally, Underwood’s much cuter too). Thankfully though, Beyoncé won enough that night so there was no need for another “charitable” display.

Cause we all know a lot of people would gladly do a Kanye if they could after that Grammy night.

By the way, now that we’ve established Swift’s performance as the worse of Grammy night (& probably of the century), my favourites of the night were Green Day‘s passionate kick-ass “21 Guns” with American Idiot & the very much under-rated Pink in complete glittering form. & let’s all stand up for Kings of Leon‘s deserving “Use Somebody” Grammy win!

Right then, enough about Taylor Swift’s karaoke session & Katy Perry’s assets. A lot has been said about The Blind Side, an inspiring but sometimes a-little-too-good-to-be-true based-on-a-true-story movie about a black man’s journey to the summit of American football, mainly because Sandra Bullock gave a performance that was so good I could almost cry for her. But unfortunately, being the man that I am, what stayed in my mind even more was…

Can you all say WHOA WHOA WOW…

Uh oh!

Lily Jane Collins. She’s Sandra Bullock’s daughter in the movie. This chick is certified drop dead hot. Those eyes, coupled with those eyebrows, man…that could melt me in an instant’s instant. Hell I wouldn’t mind breaking a few hundred bones & cracking a couple of shoulder blades on the pitch for her. Kicks Swift’s “sweetness” out of the window anytime man. She’s Phil Collins’ daughter, & ladies & gentlemen, she slots into my young favourites’ list alongside AnnaSophia Robb & Dakota Fanning, etc etc, easily.

& in line with the topic of stunning gorgeous women, I think many of you have noticed Burberry‘s latest 09/10 ad campaigns (they’ve been up for quite a while). I know I did, honestly, how could I possibly not, with Emma Watson growing into such a hottie like that? I mean, no offense to Hermione Jane Granger, but look at what the Potter movies have been holding back on Emma!

These behind-the-scenes shots are even better!

Uh oh!

Are you salivating yet fellow wankers? If you’re not, then it’s high time to reset your polar coordinates to the north pole, if you get what I mean.

Latest entry into ‘Word of Advice Before Entering My Country’: “Hold on to your panties!”

I Finally Read Dan Brown

Hats off to Roddick, totally owned Fed. But I guess Fed is the ultimate player of the century for a reason, eh? Mad final match, I’m surprised Fed’s wife did not go into labour right there in center court.

Sorry Mr. Brown for taking this long, I am deeply ashamed & regret this very much. But more about that later.

I’m baaaacccck from Bali with me UTP bros & sistas. We fought valiantly against the swines & all the As & Hs & Ns & 1s, we wore sarongs, we discovered that anything that had land space qualifies as a road in Bali, we witnessed the overpopulation of motorcycles, & we discovered we were naturally talented in swallowing Kuta waves rather than surfing. Especially Suet Yeng, to whom I had to play Baywatch saviour to keep her from overdosing herself with salt water.

Kuta Beach

The closest we ever got to successfully standing on the board at Kuta beach

I would have loved to say Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was totally awesome but who am I kidding? It was one heck of an unbalanced movie, so thankfully I checked my brain at the cinema doors. I had no idea what the plot was all about frankly – something about Megatron working under The Fallen, a big gun that would shoot the sun or something hidden in the pyramids, & Megan Fox working in a bengkel – it was just plain ridiculous, but really who cares since we were there to see the robots & outrageous action-packed almost-pornographic shots of Megan Fox CGI spectacles. Minus the irritating twin Autobots (which the Devastator should have easily tapao’ed) & the many additional generic pointless Decepticons (& WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT DECEPTICON CHICK ALL ABOUT?! Tiba-tiba felt like Species pulak), Bay did not disappoint when it comes to cool robot action. The Optimus action scene in the mountains in the middle of the movie reigned supreme & was the spectacular moment of the film, it left me completely breathless. Bay really shouldn’t have attempted to do so much & draw out so many unnecessary scenes that just seemed to go on & on. Shia did a commendable job by the way, holding his own against the mighty presence of the robots.

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Optimus giving some serious prime ass whooping in the mountains

With this holidays completing its first month, I have been catching up with the one favourite thing I last religiously did with the last Potter book – reading. I finally, finally, gave a chance to Dan Brown, & first started off with Da Vinci, & now I’ve also completed Angels & Demons followed subsequently by Deception Point. I must say, regardless whether factual or not, Dan Brown sure knows a whole load of shit & is exceptionally gifted in creating outrageously superb plots, though I was occasionally tired by the sudden flashbacks & some overdrawn descriptive points of Angels & Demons as well as Deception Point. The Brown books could not however match my feverish fetish for Potter, but it would be unfair to compare Potter against the Dan Brown novels, due to their different writing styles & plot structure. Let’s just put it this way; I enjoyed tremendously the intelligence & thrill of Dan Brown, but I skipped meals, sleep & toilet trips for Potter. Nevertheless, I would not hesitate at the least to give a two-thumbs-two-toes-up & rate The Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons & Deception Point as must-reads.

Now, I am one of those who unashamedly watched the movie version of Angels & Demons before reading the book, so I did enjoy the movie, but now after reading the book, I realize why many of Dan Brown fans are unhappy with how Ron Howard tremendously simplified the plot (almost completely taking away the science aspect & role of the book) & only concentrating on the battle against the Vatican. The many layers & complexities of all of Dan Brown’s stories are one of the best things about the novels, & more notably for Angels & Demons, since this particular book is where Dan Brown first attempts at intertwining science with controversial religious plots. Keeping faithful with the book would have given the Camerlengo’s role much more crucial resonance & substance on the big screen. 

Speaking of which, guilty of the sin of watching both Ron Howard’s big screen adaptations before reading Dan Brown, I robbed myself of the powerful exhilaration I would have experienced facing Dan Brown’s plot twists in Da Vinci & Angels head-on first time, & I only have myself to blame for not giving a chance to Dan Brown up till now. Anyway, just like Sir Ian McKellen in Da Vinci (as Sir Leigh Teabing), I admired the inspired choice of the brilliant Ewan McGregor as Camerlengo Ventresca/McKenna. Tom Hanks is definitely not the Langdon I imagined from the books, but at least I enjoyed Audrey Tatou (as Sophie Neveu) much more than Ayelet Zurer’s disappointing role as Vittoria Vetra. The one thing I truly was fascinated from the Angels & Demons movie, however, was how the grand sequence of the Camerlengo saving Vatican from the antimatter explosion was visually depicted. It was quite breathtaking on screen.

Camerlengo McKenna

Ewan McGregor was brilliant!

& again, because I watched both the movie versions of both Da Vinci & Angels before reading them, resulting in me imagining the respective movie characters in their roles when reading, I could not help but do the same for Deception Point. Of course there’s no Deception Point movie (yet, I guess?), but I couldn’t restrain myself from imagining particular actors/actresses playing the characters in the movie as I read. Interestingly though, from the moment Rachel Sexton (what an irresistable name!) appeared in the first few pages, the first actress that came into mind was relatively unknown Rachel Nichols, & I seriously do not know why! Call it male intuition? Anyway, you can see her in previous movies like Charlie Wilson’s War & P2 or in the coming G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, since you probably do not know who I’m talking about.

Which begs a rather intriguing but insignificant question, who would be suitable to play the roles of the characters in Deception Point should there be a big screen adaptation in the future? Now, I figure the probability of a Deception Point movie is much less compared to the likelihood of Dan Brown’s soon-to-be-released The Lost Symbol being made a movie first, keeping in mind how we love the controversial Vatican & religious scandals as opposed to the government conspiracies of Deception Point, but what the hell, it’s the holidays for me. Oh, I’m going to take Rachel Nichols out of my mind for a more realistic choice (even though she stubbornly stucked in my mind all throughout my reading). Here’s KV playing director, for pointless fun.

Possible Rachel Sextons?

Rachel Nichols, Bryce Dallas Howard, Evangeline Lilly & Jennifer Garner

Rachel Sexton – Bryce Dallas Howard/Evangeline Lilly/Jennifer Garner
Michael Tolland – Ewan McGregor/Robert Downey Jr.
President Zachary Herney – Steve Martin. Joking! Harrison Ford?
Senator Sedgewick Sexton – Russell Crowe/John Travolta
Corky Marlinson – Paul Bettany
NASA Administrator Lawrence Ekstrom – William Peterson
William Pickering – Liam Neeson
Marjorie Tench – Judi Dench
Gabrielle Ashe – Marsha Thomason/Zoe Saldana
Delta-One – Clive Owen

This all-star cast is nuts, but Deception Point would make quite a kick-ass movie. Besides, who could possibly resist such a movie of which its protagonist carries a name like Rachel SEXTON?

So, anyone wanna lend me a copy of Digital Fortress? & by September, The Lost Symbol?

Am I Mellowing Down?

Years back when I was still a teenager, there was this day when I was in my brother’s car, & my brother was listening to some Westlife CD during the drive. I was in the midst of the Evanescence-Linkin Park era of music preferences, so I remember sniggering at my big brother’s apparent “soft” choice of music.

“Gettting older lah, I’m mellowing down. When you reach my age, you will soften too.” So he said. “Nahh, no way!”, I bellowed. Never, I thought in my head, Avril Lavigne was the softest I could imagine ever reaching, but never wimpy-Westlife-fy-soft! N-E-V-E-R!

Now, I apparently should eat my words. Because I actually thought the Hannah Montana movie did not suck. WHAT?! I hear you.

Saving Miley/Hannah for later, let me see, the signs of me growing older characteristically were popping up as my years of university life reached its end. I discovered my machoism did have its rather sensitive side when I almost, I said ALMOST, ended up with tears welling up in my eye sockets when watching the heart-wrenching story of Grace is Gone. Then, worse, my so-called machoism totally gave way in Bridge To Terabithia, because when AnnaSophia Robb’s enchanting Leslie Burke died, there I was in a minimal yet existing amount of tears, clutching tightly my pillow. Shit. Damn you, AnnaSophia. Why did you have make Leslie so darn lovable?

bridge11

I think a more obvious sign, quite a crowning moment of mellowness glory, is when I started to obliviously play, then replay afew couple of times more, a Westlife song, “Us Against the World”. I’ve never accepted any Westlife song in my playlist since the brilliant “Flying Without Wings”, let alone replay a HidupSelatan track quite a number of times. I remember that jackass Felix laughing his ass shit off when he hanged out in my room & heard my iTunes playing Westlife. So, with my bro’s words years back coming back to bite my ass, the thought of me apparently, finally, getting a little “softer” with age hit me.

Sure, my favourite is still the awesome punkness of Paramore, I still love Lifehouse (though they have mellowed down too) & Muse’s head-banging “A Map of Problematique” is at the top of my iTunes play count along with Coldplay’s “Lovers in Japan”, but the fact that I was listening to Westlife more than just a couple of times, almost instinctively & without realization, means something. Sure, I maintained some level of my machoism enjoying super-macho movies like 300 & the ka-boomness of Terminator Salvation. But I also very much loved the blissful romantic cheese that is The Notebook.

Since I have watched every other summer movie, & Monsters vs Aliens was full, she pulled me to watch The Hannah Montana Movie, featuring the girl with the shitty yucky vocals, Miley Cyrus.

miley-cyrus-the-climb

To be frank, it was obviously a movie for Montana fans, & I was wa-a-ay too macho (so I thought) for Hannah-who?-Montana, but I was surprised, almost shocked, to find that my mellowness level has shot down so much that I actually thought the movie did not suck. The hip-hop “Hoedown Throwdown” moment was infectiously enjoyable, & “The Climb” finale scene was surprisingly quite fitting, though the execution of some snippets could have been better. I mean, did they really need to show Travis grinning at Miley like, a million times again & again? Yes, the acting chops of Billy Ray Cyrus were horrible to watch, & the plot is silly (about rediscovering her true Miley self, only to go back to being Hannah Montana, wtf?) but no one really cares since her fans will eat it up anyway. The fact is Miley Cyrus, as much as I dislike her, actually is quite endearing as a likeable Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana. This movie only cements my belief that she should really just stick to acting, since she sings like a constipated walrus on helium.

Not that the movie was not forgettable, it was, even with some cute cameos from Tyra Banks & Taylor Swift (& her even more beautiful Taylor Koa). But yeah, the Hannah Montana movie did not suck. Leslie Burke. Westlife. The Notebook. Hannah Montana.

“Getting older lah, I’m mellowing down…”

Boom clap. Boom de clap de clap. Pop it, lock it, polka dot it. Countrify then hip-hop it. Put your hawk in the sky move side to side. Jump to the left, stick it, glide!

The Day I Abandoned Nike for Porsche

I…

…think Danny Gokey should win American Idol. Matt’s cool & soulful, Adam’s vocals are as impressive as they are irritating, Megan is quirky, & Allison has a mature rock voice that’s way beyond her actual age. Mr. “Jamal Malik” – Anoop – is really really likeable, but without an ounce of star quality. Scott & Kris? Their vocals are just too bland & frankly, boring. Gokey’s spectacular performance during the Hollywood group stage, where his group sang “Somebody To Love”, remains unforgettable.

americanidolseason8top11-1

…think I really am in love with AnnaSophia Robb! Race to Witch Mountain was okay, it was a Disney kids kinda movie anyway, & Dwayne Johnson was pretty lovable, but boy, was AnnaSophia a sight to behold. Sure, she didn’t get to spread her acting wings much as compared to her iconic potrayal of Leslie Burke in that delightful Bridge To Terabithia, but she was undeniably as talented as she is utterly gorgeous. Oh, she was really sweet in her “Keep Your Mind Wide Open” music video!

racetowitchmountain1

…think the musical arrangement of Coldplay’s “Lovers In Japan” is genius. That middle “goreng” instrumental section is just insane stuff.

…think I need to give Watchmen another chance. However, I am never going near Dragonball Evolution, am afraid of the butchering they gave to my childhood comics.

…think cockroaches will really take over the world one day. (Yesss, I can’t stand them!)

So I was looking for a new pair of shoes for casual walking purposes. Something essentially white in colour, simple & clean with a classic touch, because I needed them to match anything I put on, & I wasn’t going to splash for this new pair, so it had to be reasonably priced. Being a Nike fan since I was born, & getting bored with Adidas who seemingly look like they just recycle the same old designs (as opposed to Nike, which comes out with innovative & fresh designs, even though some may be agreeable or not), I sort of made up my mind to get a pair of Nike Sweet Classics.

nike-sweet-classic-perforated-wht-blk-4

As if God had a hand in this, the Nike Classic outlet in 1U was closed for renovation on this fateful shopping day. A quick look at the other Nike outlet produced no fruit as they only had the newer colour combinations, while I was stubbornly refusing to look at anything that was not white in general. As I trudged around in gloom & disappointment, apparently giving up on the search, (again, as if fate intervened) I noticed the Nike Sweet Classic pair I was looking for being displayed at the THREEPOINTsix outlet. Tunggu apa lagi, pecut masuklah I to check out the pair.

As usual, I made it a point to just browse the displayed shoes anyway, regardless whether I have set my mind on a particular model or not. It just sort of gives me a more relieved feeling, kinda like ensuring I really am choosing the best they have to offer. That was when she spotted a particular shoe that caught her eye, held it up to me…& the rest, is history.

Like I said, I am a Nike fan for the longest time I could remember, & the only thing that stopped me from having a whole collection of Nike snickers was my sensible rational mind (& that other thing called money, or lack of it rather). So it would take A LOT, if not impossibly a lot, to swing my choice of shoes to another brand.

In this case, it would take a Porsche.

So after purchasing & currently using 6 pairs of Nikes, my latest 7th pair going into my stable of shoes are a pair of Adidas Porsche Design S2.

adidas-porsche-design

This pair fulfilled all of my requirements. Casual, simple, clean, yet understatedly smooth. It was all-white, with the typical 3 Adidas stripes barely noticeable since they only used thin blue outlines rather than solid colours for the stripes, & they were motorsport driving shoes, which is a first for me. That metal plate at the lower side sole with the “Porsche Design” etching muscled in a healthy dose of sporty stylish feel to the whole shoe. The Nike Sweet Classics lay forgotten.

But wait for the real punch-in-the-nuts fact…

The Porsches were going at 40% off its original price of RM379.90! You do the math, & since I don’t mind getting an older model (hey, the older they are, the more classic they are right? They are Adidas Classic anyway), how could I resist such an opportunity? The quirky thing was the sales chick there was apparently trying to dissuade me from purchasing that pair:

“You shouldn’t buy a size 8.5 when you are actually 9, later you will get blisters! You can try the Adidas outlets, they might have the right sizes, & they have wide range of models & colours too.”

That was before she added: “But you wouldn’t get the discount you would get here lah.”

Okay, before I ramble further & sound dangerously close to a bimbo chick in shopping heaven, I would like to state that the fact remains; it would be quite outrageous to sway a Nike fan like me to purchase pure Adidas shoes, so kudos to Porsche for boosting Adidas with design steroids. In any case, I have a sneaky feeling Porsche (okay okay, Adidas too) was meant to be my fateful 7th pair & the deserving one to break my Nike streak. Because, if the Nike Classic outlet was not fortunately closed for renovation works, I would not have arrived at my Porsches. If I hadn’t decided on the Nike Sweet Classics, I would never have spotted them thus ever entered THREEPOINTsix. Of course, if she didn’t have a stroke of genius in noticing the Porsches before me…you get the idea.

I…

…think me likes Porsche! Okaaayyyy, Adidas Porsche Design~.

Josh: “Adidas was named after its creator, Adi Dassler. I didn’t even know that.”
KV: “Lar, even I not Adidas fan also know that.”
Josh: “Oh yea? What about Nike?”
KV: “Nike was named after Goddess of Speed…or Victory. Something like that. Goddess of Victory.”
Josh: “Not so victorious anymore. One of her fans just converted.”

Ain’t converted, but sure am satisfied!

KV recommends Kanye West’s VH1 Storytellers!

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