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Category: Bullshit

Blimey, A Tag!

Pak polis dah beli Lancer Evo so they can catch up with criminals. Now they can be bribed faster than you can say “Settle berape?”!

What the heck, I’m responding to a tag! Courtesy of Emo. Actually, I did not plan to publish this, but then this sucker who calls himself Joshua dared to me do it, so here it is. Breaking the habit indeed. People, this is a temporary departure from what is normally expected of KV’s standards, so I hope you’d all forgive me. Bullshit ahead; you have been warned.

1. How old are you?
Agak-agak around 22 years, 10 months & 20 days old.

2. Are you single?
Nay, am plural.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Hm. Before my billions of Michael Phelps’es start reducing I hope.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
When I was a kid, I was with Beauty from Beauty & the Beast. 10 years ago I was with Liv Tyler. 5 years back I was with Jessica Alba, while juggling affairs with Avril Lavigne & Kristin Kreuk. A year ago I was with Hayley Williams, until I met & had a fling with Mila Kunis. I’m back with Hayley, but does it look like I’m gonna marry the person I am with now when I don’t even know who I will be with tomorrow?

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
Hayley Williams. Just to see the look on Joshua’s face.

6. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
Bitch wed…I mean beach wedding. Wait a sec. The beaches here stink. Garden. Definitely garden!

7. Your ideal motive?
To make love. No wait, just the love. Big difference eh?

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Paris…Switz…& anywhere else she wants to go.

9. How many guests do you think you will invite?
Jessica, Jessica, Avril, Liv, Mila, Jennifer, Jennifer, Keira…a couple more perhaps.

10. Do you want an extravagant or simple wedding?
A wedding is never simple, even when it’s meant to be one.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own?
Of course something I’d crap on my own!

12. How many layers of cake do you want?
There’s cake? Can’t I have a big-ass Cinnabon or Roti Boy instead…

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or simple place?
The hotel is going to be for what’s gonna happen after the wedding…at night.

14. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
The eve to the ning.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Tengoklah forecast hujan ke tak…

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
Uh, I’d be more concerned about the fact that I’m marrying a groom.

17. Name the song/tune you’d want to play in your wedding.
The entire soundtrack of “Pride & Prejudice” by Dario Marianelli. & special vocal performances by Hayley herself, & guest appearances by Mindy Smith, Brooke Fraser & Lisa Hannigan.

18. Are u a morning person or a night person?
I am Kevin by day & Wong Loug Sung by night!

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Light & sweet.

20. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Her last name should be Williams & her first name should be Hayley.

21. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal fork&spoon/knife?
Fine dining also requires fork, spoon & knife.

22. Champagne or red wine?
Everything. On the rocks.

23. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Up to her loh…

24. Money or household items?
Depends. If anyone wants to get me a 70-inch plasma flatscreen & a Bose sound system, feel free to do so.

25. Who will pay for the bills?
Hah! This one ah, you ask the chicks, they sure say share share la, but everyone knows what will really happen!

26. Are you ready for a married life?
I’m afraid of that disease Russell Peters mentioned; Onegina.

27. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?
Hey, someone told me no one is a virgin coz life f**ks us up!

28. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Wife slash husband? A wife can’t be a husband at the same time, especially in bed.

29. How many kids would you like to have?
Wait I ask. Angelina, how many more kids would you want?

30. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
An old…Victorian mansion in Europe…

31. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
When it comes to food, she da boss.

32. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
Have you not learned anything from the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee episode? Oh wait, you’re not talking about that kinda honeymoon…

33. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
Joshua, now that I’ve taken Hayley. What’s your plan B? Wahahahhaa, sucker.

This is what happens when I’ve stayed too long in Mentakab during holidays…

Avril is (Still) Too Hot for Malaysia

UPDATE: “Show will go on for rock star Avril on Aug 29” – The Star Online, August 23rd.

PETALING JAYA: Canadian rock star Avril Lavigne will be performing in Kuala Lumpur after all. The final decision, after a week of uncertainty, was made at a meeting of senior officials from the Unity, Culture, Arts and Heritage Ministry yesterday. The organiser, Galaxy Group, obtained its permit last evening to stage the concert at Stadium Merdeka on Aug 29, sources said. Avril’s concert here – the launch pad of her Asian dates – made headlines across the world after the Federal Territory PAS Youth told the ministry and the Kuala Lumpur Mayor to ban the event. The wing had argued that Avril’s concert is “too punk and rock for Malaysian youth especially so during Merdeka month.” Since then, many have criticised the wing’s move and decisions were purportedly made on the status of the show and its date. Minister Datuk Shafie Apdal had earlier said the application to hold the concert had to be studied, as they did not want it to coincide with the Merdeka period and the tahlil religious programme on Aug 29. Shafie had also denied that the ministry’s earlier decision to call off the concert was in response to PAS Youth’s call for the ban.

Oh, the morons we have that govern our country. The clowns finally found the light that was shining out of their assholes. Screw them all. Avril, you are totally owning. Blow the skirts off our wussy government, & PAS youth, who all think with their damn penises (& think they control all OUR penises). Show these idiots what independence really means, & that music is not controlled by some idealistic political movement. It’s time to bring on the fun, & rock on.

Kevin is currently salivating at Avril Lavigne’s acoustic concert at the Roxy Theatre.


Bless Pak Lah’s hairy balls.

From YAHOO! News: KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – Malaysia on Tuesday canceled a concert by Canadian rock singer Avril Lavigne, saying it may taint the Muslim-majority country’s independence day celebrations after the Islamic opposition slammed her show as being “too sexy.” The Arts, Culture and Heritage Ministry said it had decided not to permit Lavigne’s show because it was unsuitable to Malaysian culture and could not be held on August 29, two days ahead of independence day.

“It is not timely. It’s not in the good spirit of our National Day. If we go ahead with the concert, it is contrary to what we are preparing for,” said Shukran Ibrahim, a senior official from the culture ministry’s department that vets all foreign artists.

The decision came after the youth wing of a fundamentalist opposition party, the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party, called for the show’s cancellation. Kamarulzaman Mohamed, a party youth official, told The Associated Press on Monday that Lavigne’s show was “considered too sexy for us” and would promote the wrong values just before independence day.

What. The. Fart. Ma. Chi. Bung.

This really takes the cake. How dare you bastards take away every Sk8er Boi’s high school dream. Do you know how long I waited to see Avril live in person?! Okay, so what if I’m not a fan of her post-marriage 3rd album, I was hopelessly devoted head over heels for her first two albums. This is the first time I’m forking an investment of over 300 bucks for a concert ticket, and you go and fart her away just like that?

The unholy ticket to sexiness

Let me tell you assholes something, it’s an indescribable honour that a foreign artist, someone even of Avril’s stature, would actually consider putting damned Malaysia on their tour’s schedule. Have you not learned shit? First Beyonce ditched us. Then Christina Aguilera. You know what, I actually believed for a second that Malaysia was heading for a good year ahead when artists like Switchfoot, Daughtry, Colbie Caillat dropped by, or hey, even that Digby free showcase was a good sign. Then this pile of cow dung landed.

“It is considered too sexy for us…It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia. We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.” – Kamarulzaman Mohamed.

Excuse my ass, Avril Lavigne – too sexy? Never in any of our teenage-horny-hormonal-years have we ever associated Avril with the word sexy. Oh sorry, I forgot I was listening & speaking to the holiest monk on planet Earth.

“Hold on hold on, what if I sang the Merdeka song during my concert? Or your Jalur Gemilang? Could I come then? I promise I won’t do a ‘I-wanna-be-your-girlfriend’ on any Malaysian guy!”

& not in the good spirit of National Day? So putting the concert just before Merdeka will make us less patriotic? You know what, choosing Azizul over Chong Wei to be the flag bearer for Malaysia in Beijing, now THAT’s bloody unpatriotic. We are not dumb enough to believe the reasons you gave us, we KNOW the real reason behind that choice okay. In the end? Chong Wei gave us a silver, and symbolically kissed the Malaysian flag logo on his T-shirt repeatedly after the semifinal win over Lee Hyun-Il, while Azizul finished last in his event. So yea, fark you.

“Tanggaaaalll tiga puluh satuuuuuuuu. Bulan lapan, lima puluh tujuuuuhhhhh…”

First you wanna ban Faizal Tahir’s nipples. Then you tried to ban the boobs of Ella & Mas Idayu, followed swiftly by the ban of a local rock band singer’s boxers. Oh yea, now you wanna further make Malaysia a complete international mockery in front of the entire world to gleefully see. What, the global humiliation that our ex-Information Minister heaped on our country when he spluttered his attempt at the English language live on Al-Jazeera after the Bersih protest; that wasn’t enough?

“Next, I’m gonna sing an acoustic remix titled Hey Hey You You Negara ku ku…”

Several female artists including Gwen Stefani and the Pussycat Dolls have run into trouble in Malaysia, which requires all performers to be covered from knees to chest and refrain from jumping, shouting, hugging and kissing on stage.

Jumping? Shouting? Hahahahahaha, even Sesame Street had performers and puppets jumping! What a complete joke! I’m sorry, oh PAS Youth muffinheads, that you actually believed us Malaysians to be as easily “influenced”, naive & stupid like yourselves. I personally feel sorry that you actually think us to be as low as you. Kudos once again, Malaysia, for being able to push the limits of narrow-mindedness, both on the local & international stage. Indeed, with this kind of INTELLECTUAL mindfulness, we are SO on track to being a fully-developed country by year 2020. Our country is so going to the dogs.

Next time they’re gonna ban Hayley for having “rambut terlalu oren” when Paramore decides to drop by, if they ever do. Or even ban Jennifer Lopez for “having an enormous arse”, or Mariah Carey for her healthily sculptured fruits, or Justin Timberlake for his “sexyback”, or Timbaland for wearing singlets that inappropriately show his big-ass abs, & his bulu ketiak. That’s when I’ll be moving, period. For now, instead of looking forward in full anticipation to August 29th, here I am flopped down on my chair in despair, wondering how it would ever feel like when Avril sings “Hey hey you you, I want to be your girlfriend” to me…

2.704…or 2.700

“Oh! Fark wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!” – Billy Mack from Love Actually, 2003.

Look, I totally understand the increase of the fuel price that we unfortunate Malaysians have to pay from today onwards. It would be utterly impossible for the wankers we have in the government to continue the same subsidy, taking in consideration the shocking current global fuel price while these dickheads continue to spurge our money on other white elephant crap & not going to the root of our problems.

Grand sale! Petrol at 40% off! Final day offer!

What I have a problem with is, the head of the wankers (some of you may refer to him as the Prime Minister) actually promised us all before the election that his government of testicles will not increase the fuel price in 2008.


Of course, we all knew it was pre-election bullshit at that time, but now is the part where we can actually say “I farking told you so!”. These lunkheads did not even actually win the election. Take the dozens of small BN component parties outside Peninsular out of the equation, & the 1 million phantom votes, & voila! BN no more.

& that testicle still had the balls to announce that RM625 yearly rebate like it’s some sort of privilege. Yeah, like that’s gonna help a lot for the average vehicle users. After all, this is only the beginning, they are gonna increase a lot more other things. Everything goes up, gaji tarak naik, we citizens suffer, while BN wives have 9 million bucks in an account; you tell me what’s wrong with that picture. Our dear PM then goes on to compare us with neighbouring countries, when bloody hell Malaysia is an oil-producing country! What about our jaw-droppingly embarasssing public transportation system? What about the prices of foreign imported cars that are so farking higher just because you government assholes want to protect your local car manufacturers? Think about that before comparing Lah!

Before & after: Dengan RM1.00, semalam you boleh beli ini macam banyak air kencing, start hari nih beli kencing ini macam sikit saje!

As usual, our country leaders never look to the root of the problem, & just takes the easy way out. What about using our money to REALLY START improving our public transportation system to be cleaner & more reliable, for a start? What about giving more effort in promoting & bringing in hybrid cars, or encouraging NGV installations & increasing NGV stations? Anything! The list goes on and on, but really, does the government even look like they are heading plans to reduce Malaysia’s dependency on petrol & diesel? Nope, in the past 5 years we can only say we sent a man on a vacation in space while Malaysia continues to dig herself a deeper grave hole back on Earth.

Don’t they ever learn? Now a girl can’t even walk outside her home alone, a child cannot play in the playground freely, but still the leaders of our country remain the same. They continue their hopeless tradition of creating bullshit, wait for a problem to arise from that bullshit then only form committees to “discuss efforts” to find a solution. If (& that’s a big IF) problem is solved temporarily on the surface, then they wait for other problems to arise so that other “discussions” to find other solutions could be initiated.

There will be positive outcomes from this heap of baja kerbau. Perhaps, we will learn to spend more wisely, we will utilize energy more efficiently & road demons will learn to minimize over-accelerating unnecessarily. Perhaps, aunties & tuition-moms (Malaysia’s version of soccer moms) will drive using their brains for once, while soon we might see Ah Bengs in un-pimped stock Kancils & Mat Rempits on bicycles. Perhaps, the next Satria GTi race in Sepang will be replaced by the Kancil Grand Prix.

But still.

“Oh! Fark wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!”

Escape To Penang Island…

Quick update: Guitar enthuthiasts listen up! The newly-opened Wisma Bentley Music near The Curve is currently having the holy-crap-are-you-serious Taylor T5 on display. 5 gorgeous versions of them to be exact, retailing from RM9200 to about Rm12000. You heard that right, the Taylor T5, the one guitar that brings balance to the force (almost literally), the Holy Grail of all guitars, & it has arrived in our country! I was so overwhelmed playing the black one (yes, I’ve finally played the T5!) I almost forgot about the rest of the guitars I was surveying over the weekend. At the moment I’m considering the beautiful handcrafted L series from Yamaha, either the 16 or the 6, anyone with an opinion?

Upon arrival in Penang on Friday evening, the 1st thing Alan & I experienced was a reduce in sperm count.

That’s because our chief tour guide, the supreme sifu of the universe (of Penang that is), Chun Yan a.k.a. BBS (don’t ask, it’s an inside joke) plunged us straight into a tour around his internship company, Intel, where the other EE nerds (oops!) San Nien, Debbie, Wai Lun, Suet Yeng, & Gary were working as well. Just by driving around the free trade zone full of electronic companies & factories, I could already feel my balls shrinking by the minute. The group of us then proceeded to meet Chris (& a distant Erica) at Altera, who forced us to wear surgeon caps as shoe covers. Yea, as if a lower sperm count isn’t enough, now we have to walk around the company with bright light blue surgeon caps covering our feet. After laughing at how small Intel’s office cubicles are (kidding!) & at how Penang’s “Silicon Valley” was the biggest gathering of geeks (okay okay…joking also!), except probably that guy who attempted to drop a pen near the feet of Debbie’s mini-skirted legs, we proceeded for dinner at the 1st place anyone would bring Penang visitors to for a big makan…McD! Haha…actually we were rushing for our movie date with Harrison Ford & a couple of crystal skulls, so we were short of time. It was here when, in the midst of chomping dead chicken squashed between sesame seed buns, Debbie decided to replace the word “air” with “ass” in the “No Air” song by Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown. This was then followed by a remixed version of the chorus by San Nien & I:

“Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe shit with no air ass, can’t live shit can’t breathe shit with no air ass…”

That was only the beginning of the fun. We had only a limited time of 2 days to explore whatever we could explore in Penang. So here’s a summary, in pictures.

Oh, Indy was okay-lah. Was fun mostly, minus the horrendous tarzan & monkey scenes & some terrible CGI usage, while the ending was horrendous.

Part I – Penang Hill

First thing Saturday morning, up to Penang Hill!

We couldn’t hike up the hill because Chun Yan injured his leg the day before, so we used the train

While waiting for the train ride, we decided we had time to make stupid faces…

…or to try to smile like San Nien…ended up overdoing it

Tired of making faces, we decided to take a nap…

Before the ride: Alan (circled red) caught having guilty pleasure with 1 of his holes…

…while Chris was pictured molesting a happily willing San Nien (this is a nice natural pic though!)

In the train: All of us. Chris is slightly out of the picture because…

…he was enjoying swinging & dancing around a pole!

A moment of melancholy atop the hill…

I spotted a hot chick!

Hot chick spots a hot guy. Hot guy spotted another hot chick, forgets previous hot chick.

Alan posing like a girl in between Chris & I

Soon Yen will love this picture, but San Nien got really high when she saw this…I wonder why

We guys tried to run away & leave Debbie to rot on top of the hill

Now I know why the air up there didn’t smell as fresh as it should have been!

Before the “thrilling” canopy walk: Debbie’s final smile

After that, she was laughing & crying at the same time…”Don’t SHAKE!!! Scary ah~! Angry ah~!”

It was a relaxing walk for all of us…

Uh, well, apparently not for all of us. One particular person was clinging so hard to the ropes with both hands, as if she was going to miraculously elevate 2 meters up & over the ropes down to the trees below

The man that made it fun & really pushed the canopy to the limits: Chun Yan. His leg miraculously recovered up there. Gawd knows how

He made the whole walk more exciting than it should be. When he leaned to the right, the whole path swayed to the right…even the trees swayed to the right!

So I had to sway to the opposite direction to balance it out…San Nien was 2D, so she couldn’t contribute any weight whatsoever

We stopped by a scenic “Hobbiton” on the way down…

Part I.5 – The “Malaysians Are Friendly” Test

This is something you should all take notice of. When we were in the train going up the hill at first, all in our group were excited (with San Nien singing the Indiana Jones theme at every chance she got) & decided to greet & wave to the other train that passed our train on their way down. Something simple & innocent turned into an experiment when, with all of us waving & saying “Hello!!!” madly to the other passing train, none in that other train responded even in the slightest, passing us by like zombies, even more emotionless than Resident Evil zombies.

We tried the greeting & waving again as we passed our 2nd train on the way up, & we got the same set of zombies response. WTF? What happened to “Malaysians are friendly & warm& all that Visit Malaysia bullshit? Deciding to give all you remaining Malaysian bastards (aside from the extremely-friendly 7 of us in our group of course) another chance, all of us agreed we will repeat our greeting again on the way down. We were going to pass 2 more trains in the opposite direction as we go down, surely, SURELY, someone, at least ONE, would be less of a zombie & greet us back? That person did not come from the 3rd train; all we got were cold & blank stares, looking at us as if we were 7 horny monkeys on drugs. Sick of making excuses for them, like maybe we really looked like horny monkeys on drugs, or that they didn’t have enough time to wave back at us when our 2 trains crossed paths, we concluded that if the 4th train were to fail in this friendliness test, then Malaysians seriously need a massive behavior overhaul, while Badawi has a one extra reason to resign. Only 7 friendly Malaysians in 4 train-loads of people?!

The 4th train appeared within our sights soon enough. Our hearts were beating so fast San Nien forgot how to sing the Indiana Jones theme. Once the train was near enough, all 7 of us hollered our greetings & waved as enthusiastically as we could at them for one last push for the sake of humanity…the people at the other train were hopeless…there goes Malaysia’s reputation…even the kids didn’t bother carving out a smile…the last guy nearest to the window of the opposing train looked like a lansi Ah Beng product straight from Ipoh…gone, there goes our last hope…wait a minute, the Ah Beng bloody smiled! He is raising his hand…bless our horny monkey faces, he waved back at us! AH BENG JUST SAVED MALAYSIA’S BLOODY ASS! Hurrayyyy!

Talk about suspense eh? That idiot just had to leave it to the last second, ah bengs really love to be heroic don’t they? Thus, we concluded that there are only 8 friendly Malaysians from our 4 sample trains: Kevin, Chris, Alan, Chun Yan, Wai Lun, San Nien, Debbie, & our new friend Ah Beng.

Do note that NO part of the above test story was exaggerated & is 100% true.

Part II – Fort Cornwallis

Next stop: Fort Cornwallis. Salute!

The valiant & brave Private Kevin Wong wasted no time in the frontline of the attack on the Fort, blowing Francis Light’s light bulbs off in 1 single shot

He then proceeded to hold defending Private Chris Lee as hostage

But Private Kevin’s fellow invading comrade, the sadistic serial woman-murderer Private Alan Leow, was less merciful, taking pleasure in violently shooting local milk lady Deborah Sim

Private Alan’s chilling crime spree finally came to an end when muscular General BBS blew his brains without showing any mercy. The mad Private Alan was said to be still smiling in a horny way at gunpoint.

But wait! There’s still hope for the women defending the fort! Vowing to take revenge for Deborah the milk lady’s murder, here comes Corporal Lee San Nien! She was famous for being able to invade bullets by cleverly utilizing her slim 2-dimensional appearance.

The invading army responds by sending in the heroic Sergeant Lee Wai Lun, who was famous for distracting his enemies in the battle field using his yellow slippers

The 2 Lees square off, 2-D vs yellow slippers, & in the end, girl power prevails! Sergeant Lee Wai Lun surrendered & gave his yellow slippers as a present to Corporal San Nien in exchange for her sparing his life

The victorious Corporal Lee San Nien, flanked by her loyal Private Chris Lee & her new lelaki simpanan Private Kevin Wong, who surrendered after the loss of his fellow comrade Sergeant Lee Wai Lun

We noticed Debbie loves to make weird (or funny, from her own point of view) faces

& here’s another. She’s like saying: “I want to OC!”, which she really did want to actually, at that time

In the end, we could no longer stand it & locked her up for good at the fort for various offenses including making weird faces, mistaking dolphins as elephants & for thinking & claiming that the Pas logo was a white circle with a RED background

Part III – Batu Maung Outdoor War Museum

The next day, with Debbie still locked up in prison & San Nien getting married, I mean, attending a wedding, the remaining 5 guys went to explore the outdoor War Museum of Batu Maung.

Talk about having a huge mojo

Chun Yan has a message to George Bush; he is against war…

NOT!!! Die! Die die die! Die you farking mosquitos!

As we further explored the jungles surrounding this fort-turned-war-museum, we made one of the most shocking of discoveries; we found a long-lost caveman wandering around whom we labelled as A.L.A.N. (A Long-lost Ancient Native). He is seen here (extreme right) unable to pose like a civilized human being, but that’s understandable.

We tried our best to teach him to how to pose as normal as possible while taking pictures. Him squatting in a shitting position is the closest-to-normal attempt we could force out of him

Chris leading A.L.A.N. in a brave escape out of the war museum using hidden passages.

On the way we stumbled upon a set of rotten testicles, to which A.L.A.N. identified were his own, chopped off by his village head a long time ago as punishment for inappropriately molesting a baboon

A.L.A.N., pictured here with Expedition Chief Chun Yan & Chris, the man who headed the escape mission & brought A.L.A.N. to safety for future experiments

Finally, a normal pose! All of us with A.L.A.N. after successfully crossing over the border

As you should realize by now, this is not a properly detailed journal of my travels in Penang, instead it’s a parody of sorts. Please find the more accurate & proper stories of our Penang trip at San Nien’s Anyway, I would like to forward a massive word of gratitude to the temporary Penangites for having Alan & I over for the weekend, & for bringing us around to great spots to makan & visit! How remarkable it is that simple things became so memorable because of the company. It was undoubtedly a whole lot of madness, even the first night chat with the guys & the pillow talk was awesome (thanks for that girls, & to San Nien for not allowing me to sleep), & I certainly welcome the weekend break from all the stress back in KL. Looking back at some of these absurd pictures, there was certainly an embarassing amount of childishness involved, but hey, if you can’t find time to let out the inner child within you once in a while to just have a little fun, then you lead a depressing state of life my friend. I returned from Penang a whole lot heavier from cendols & laksas & char kuey teows, with the hope that my sperm count increases back to normal soon.

On another note, Digby’s album, Unfold, did not disappoint. It is a very pretty album, nothing outstanding about her voice or songs, but the 2nd half of the album deserves a listen. At the moment, I’m hooked to “Spell”; her voice is unassumingly angelic in these sort of intimate songs. I’m disappointed about the “Unfold” track though, it could have been so much better if she had only used a brighter guitar for the choruses.


    If I were a friend to a Rakan Masjid member, then would I be called…Rakan-Rakan Masjid?

    Uh-oh. A PAS Menteri Besar for Perak? So what now? These scenarios flew past my mind:

1. A bunch of us headed to the usual mamak stall for supper. As I was about to order my usual Maggi Goreng, the mapeleh dude says to me: “Bos, sini pompoan dodok la. Laki kena dodok seblah sana…” to which he adds “…jauh jauh seblah sana.”

2. Walking into the famous Lou Wong Taugeh Chicken shop, I noticed a newly-erected huge notice board on the wall bearing the word HALAL.

3. I sweared “Babi!” when I knocked my toe against a rock & the next thing I knew, I ended up spending a night behind bars for promoting an illegal animal in public.

4. I go with me girl to TGV Kinta City Ipoh to catch a movie. That night, we watched the same movie but in different halls, allocated according to gender. I ended up sharing my pop corn with some other girl’s boyfriend.

5. A new 24-hour mobile clinic team will be going from house to house across the state to implement the new compulsory “Lelaki Bersih Jantan Sejati, Sunatlah!” program. Special offer: First 1000 dicks get free & painless cuts. Free-of-charge services to boys yet to hit puberty as well as impotent men.

    Okay OKAY, I’m exaggerating.

    But though the scenarios above look seriously far-fetched at 1st glance, not all are as outrageous as first thought. I’m studying in a university in Perak, & the thought of going back there this July after my internship finishes for my final year gives me a tinge of frusfration. I am all for a Malaysian instead of a Malay, a Chinese or an Indian, believe me. But I more then understand DAP’s fear of PAS & it’s Islamic State ideology. & you can’t blame DAP for championing their so-called ketuanan Cina, how can you when we’ve all been subjected to ketuanan Melayu for so long without choice? & you can’t blame us Chinese for feeling a little cautious on this Perak MB tussle. Penang’s DAP declaring that they will not practise the heavily racial-based NEP, & Umno Malays are already protesting at Komtar. 1 bangsa? Yearite, a slight threat to their special privileges & they start protesting in the streets.

    Take a look at my university. They ban all religious societies or activities, but the biggest legal society in our university is Mosque Friends (RM, in BM). The organization, obviously a certain religious 1, not only makes up almost the entire student body council, they also seem to have been given full power & authority over all students of all races & religion. You are walking with a girl innocently at night & a group of KJ Mat Rempit wannabes encircle you & force you to go back to your own rooms. During music competition events like Euphonious (a battle of the bands) & Star Search (a singing competition) protesters linger at the hall entrances trying to convince the crowd to not attend such “haram” entertainment events, even giving out brochures on how “haram” these stuff were. An anti-RM blog comes up & they simply & randomly interrogate students whom they “suspect” are involved with the blog. Worse, during public events like our Convocation Fair & the Malam Merdeka, male & female seatings were segregated. The public consisting of our parents & family had first-hand view. What, you thought only those schools that appeared in the papers had gender segregation rules? No, it’s beginning to enlarge in my own darn uni. It does not matter whether you are Indian, Chinese, Christian, Buddhist, Taoist, Hindraf-ist or even if you worship a toilet bowl, you are still, however indirectly, subjected to their rules. Not university rules, but their rules. It’s like they are already forming their own government at university level, creating their own authority, these friends of a mosque.

    I’m not anti-Malay, in fact far from it. I also love my own university, despite this looming issue. I know that there are excellent individuals among the RM people & my Malay counterparts, as well as I know that there are bad seeds among us Chinese as well. My primary school Malay mates & my current colleagues in my department are examples of great individuals. But it’s stuff like what’s happening in politics & places closer to me, like my university, that supports my cautious approach to news like Perak’s new MB. If something like this is in full implementation without limitation in a university, what more in a whole bloody country? I will not waste my time debating why Perak’s new MB is from PAS despite them having least seats among the opposition, nor argue about the constitution, I have already accepted that. Nor would I discuss how Khairy lost at 1st count, ordered a recount & suddenly won by a 5000 majority at Rembau. Quite simply, with BN gaining less than 50% of the total votes in Peninsular, showing how strong the Opposition is right now, I just hope that the 5 scenarios above will remain as outrageous & far-fetched as they first seemed. We asked for a change, but not this manner of a change. The new MB for Perak is positioned at the top of a crucial mixed state, & he’s in a great position to lead a positive change for all races. Let this not be a downhill fight for him & us, but a shining chance & hope for more growth in overcoming racial & religious lines towards us being true Malaysians.

    For now, can I instead just be a Rakan Jessica Alba? That, she can implement whatever rules she wants, yea baby.

Things That Go Bump…

    Bullshit of the week:
Lingam: “No, no, no. My learned commissioner, you did not get it right. I said it looks like me, it sounds like me but I will not say 100% that it’s me. The authenticity must be established by my two experts.”
Mahadev: “You do not want to say that it’s 100% you. How many percent would you say it’s you?”

    Honestly, that single interchange in court brings the term “tok kok” to a whole new level. Can somebody thrust a broom up VK Lingam’s ass really soon please? Even if it’s just to wipe that dumb smile of his face. & what’s with the other lawyer Mahadev asking questions like that? Honestly, how many percent would you say it’s you? Learned commissioner my butt crack. If all lawyers are any close to these 2 dicks, then hey, anyone could be a lawyer; a tok-kokker, or as in Bee Movie, a blood-sucking parasite (i.e. a mosquito) with a briefcase.

    You’d be forgiven to mistake the Australian Open 2008 Women’s Singles for Women_singles_semifinalists_1a glamour beauty sports pageant or something ever since the semifinals stage. With all the semifinalists being probably also the 4 most good-looking babes on the courts (perhaps along with Vaidisova), a tennis Grand Slam just went a notch sexier. There’s sweet & gorgeous-faced finalist Ana Ivanovic, then there’s ever-smiling Jelena Jankovic, leggy Daniela B_shara_ivano_0126_01Hantuchova & of course, newly-crowned champion Maria Sharapova, who sounds like she’s being humped when she hits all of her shots. All 4 hot, sweaty, athletic, bloody young, pony-tailed women in sleeveless mini skirt outfits, who also happen to be the 4 best players in this grand slam event, what more could you ask for? You can ask for 2 hotter ones among the 4 to be in the final, which was exactly what happened. The new World No.2 looks really good in baby blue too, although she lost.

    I would like to point out the fact that some Malaysian drivers are really total dumbass fuzz-brained lunkheads. With a plan to catch Cloverfield (2nd time for me!) with birthday boy Vishnu & Derrick at Cheras Selatan Jusco, I was rounding the car park with a dozen other cars, scouting for a parking place. Upon spotting a car about to leave its parking spot, the Waja in front of me stopped to wait to snatch the place. I of course had to stop behind him, along with the other cars behind me, till he parked. Inexplicably, the Waja dude started reversing, even when I was behind him. Shocked, I sounded the horn, but the Waja continued reversing slowly, despite my longer (& more annoyed) 2nd honk at him. I could not reverse either since there was a car behind me, & before I knew it – bump. The Waja reversed into my Proton Hero.

    Who the hell reverses without looking? I was just behind him, a bloody safe distance away too! & I wasn’t even moving! & what, he didn’t hear my honks? As I angrily came out to check on any inflicted damage, I can only hope that whatever the reason for the driver’s idiotness is down to him being blind & deaf at the same time, but noooo, a totally normal Chinese man stepped out (normal, except his apparent brain damage), looking all sheepish. Managing to prevent myself from an outburst, I asked him in a most-controlled voice “you reverse never look behind wan kah?” to which he answered “No wor, I didn’t see you.” Excuse me? I, along with the other dozen cars behind me, were circling the car park behind you all the time? I even honked that son-of-a-beach! & unsurprisingly, that jackass just looked at his own bumper, & seeing no apparent scars, went back into his car without a word of apology. Would you like a middle finger, mister?

    Thankfully he only dented my number plate, if not I would have really demonstrated some of my carving artistic creativeness on any part of his car, I swear. Really, I know that most Malaysian drivers, or KL drivers, have no existing road manners & generally don’t use their brains. Swerving lanes without even signaling, staying too close to the front car, beating the red light, no considerence for people crossing roads at all are only some of our infamous Malaysia Boleh on-the-road spirit. & the best of all, the mystery of how some lady drivers suddenly accelerate for no reason from behind when you want to enter their lane with a signal, like they intentionally don’t want you to be in their lane even though they are behind enough.

    But a ‘blind & deaf’ Malaysian driver, who can actually reverse into a completely non-moving car behind even after 2 loud warning honks? That’s a new one. What a brainless unapologetic cow.

    When is our rigged & corrupted election ever going to happen? I’m interested to see what happens, Badawi is obviously not confident at all & coming out with front page statements that are filled with bullshit & lies about achieving & implementing this that when in truth they have done shit. There is no doubt the opposition parties are also a bunch of crap, but with the current government focusing a lot of efforts on banning the nipples of a singer (along with his whole presence) who just wants to be Superman on stage, blaming women who expose their hair & skin of their hands & ankles & whatever for the increasing rape issues, coming out with comments like “if you can’t fight rape, better lay down & enjoy it” (Haji Roselan Johar Mohamed, K. Kinbalu Umno), it is apparent that, after 50 years, the main issue is the need for a change of authorities, despite the obvious fact that there are no right people to govern our country at the moment, & for a long time. & a big booo to Uncle Sam for trying to cheat the public & filter our newspapers, we all know Batu Caves did NOT have the normal big crowds as in previous years.

    Oh, apparently many people are not enjoying the Cloverfield experience. Derrick & Vishnu were dizzy after it, but still enjoyed it. But I’ve been hearing many of my friends dissing it as a waste of time & a “horrible horrible movie”, & a family in the hall left halfway, with the mother grunting “I wanna vommit dy…”. Bummer really, this was easily 1 of the most intense, gripping, unique & horrifyingly brilliant monster movie for some time now. My heart was still beating hard against my chest during my 2nd viewing, especially during those last helicopter scenes.

    I end this entry with the news that shocked me so much I had to stop the car, upon hearing it over the radio. Below are some of his memorable roles in Brokeback Mountain, Ned Kelly, the upcoming The Dark Knight, A Knight’s Tale, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Brothers Grimm, I’m Not There & with Michelle Williams, who he has a daughter with. Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (1979-2008), my heart goes out to you, rest in peace.Heath_ledger

Currently hooked on to: Mika’s drive-happy “Happy Ending”.

Experiencing Cloverfield, Boys & Girls…

    Now on the radio, “Piece of Me” by Britney Spears featuring a poor chicken & excellent vocal engineering.

    Heard over a very important business phone conversation between Mercedes-Benz & Siemens, with Alan on the phone:
“A-lan-kor, jom this Saturday watch movie!”
“Caaann. What movie you want to watch?”
“Jom Cloverfield!”
“Oh yea ohh! Cloverfield! What is it about ah?”

    The less you know, the better, trust me. On Saturday, after getting 3 tickets for Dsc05112‘what everyone knows about but doesn’t really know what it is about’ Cloverfield, Alan brought me to Wong’s Cock, sorry, I mean, Wong Kok restaurant. As interns barely making a living in the city of KL, we chose that place because it probably served the cheaper food in 1U. Upon leaving my cock, I mean, Wong Kok, I bought 2 new work shirts to reimburse myself after the robbery last week while waiting for Melvin to arrive. The signs were good, we were all well rested, food very much solidly in the stomach, & the urge to pee has been relieved. This was all checked in view of the severe nausea & vomit-inducing warnings given by people who have already watched the movie.

    We stepped into what was 1 of the biggest halls I’ve ever been Photo_06_hiresto, armed with the THX system, & we got really good seats too, behind center. After the usual trailer screenings & annoying B-grade advertisements (some complete with mono-sound features), the screen went blankly black. Then coloured stripes appeared with video camera settings written at the edges of the screen. Before we could wonder whether GSC has screwed-up or that we are watching a pirated VCD version of the movie, the movie began. & we were in for a ride. & the ride was awesome.

    If you have not watched the movie, I strictly advise you not to read this review, or any reviews of the movie, & just go in with an open & empty mind.

    If you have watched the movie, or you haven’t but want Photo_18_hiresto read on anyway, well, this movie is the unlikely blockbuster to start 2008. We are 1st introduced to the key characters in the movie through 2 snippets of an old tape of Rob & Beth, & the new recording of Rob’s farewell party. Smart move, as the party cleverly tells me everything I need to know on what is going on between the characters while still keeping me interested. & once the 1st “Boom!” blared on screen, we were thrown right into the thick of action as a monster that clearly has a personal problem with the Statue of Liberty rampages around NY city, viewed through the most durable super-video-camera held miraculously by Hud throughout most of the movie.

    Thanks to the superb scenes & the extra oomph from the THX system, Photo_22_hireswe all felt like we were actually there, running around berserk with Rob, Beth, Lily, Marlena, Jason & Hud, we were all THE video camera, shaking violently & flipping around in the hands of Hud. Fantastic view, awesome sound. Heck the floor beneath me was vibrating! This was probably the closest thing to really feel how it’s like if a monster ever attacks your city. Although if it was in KL, I’d probably be safe from the monster, thanks to the many many new CCTVs set up everywhere. Hey, our government said that would make Malaysia safer right? Scene after scene, with my mouth gaping wide, heart-pumping sequences (the soldiers shooting Photo_19_hiresscene was really intense & it felt like I was really stuck in the middle of the shootout) kept being churned out by JJ Abrams & co along with some really funny moments too (“Oh My God, you know Superman too? Geez I’m feeling a connection…have you heard of Garfield?”). The scene where everyone crowded around the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty & snapping pics was also a brilliant move! But if you think this is just another monster movie where the monster steals the show & the humans are there just to show brave faces & die, you are completely wrong. The fact that I can still remember the names of all the main characters is a testimony of how Beth_rob_1character-driven this movie is. It’s basically a love story (a surprisingly sweet 1 too) told under totally monstrous circumstances. Hey, I even thought the final video of Rob & Beth under the bridge was touching. Oh I’m such a sucker. & the movie did not have a soundtrack! The music only started playing 1.5 minutes after the credits started rolling silently. Wow.

    Hey, even the unknown actors gave really convincing performances, without a single lame moment. They made us feel like we were part of their group as we went through whatever they went through in the harrowing experience, like we really were beside them all along. Oh, & Beth, who is the sole reason for the deaths of everyone, played by Odette Yustman, was basically a sweeter version of Megan Fox. The Photo_16_hiresscene of Marlena exploding (I think) was a bit too abrupt to absorb though. It was nearly an hour after coming out of the hall that the 3 of us, all pumped up, gathered around a table in Old Town Kopitiam unable to stop talking about the movie, finally took notice of some gaping plot holes. But as Alan put it, “this is the 1st movie where we were really satisfied even though we didn’t know where the monster came from, what it was, what the hell it was doing here, & what happens to it in the end.” Yes, some questionable points, like how an impaled Beth, who shouldn’t have been pulled away from the rod in the 1st place, could run down 50 flight of stairs & run around after that without a problem, Photo_20_hires_1or how the 3 could have survived such a high-altitude fall of the helicopter, or why the monster suddenly could activate his stealth-mode before gnawing Hud, were always going to be present. Don’t even get started on how the video camera could have lasted that long. But, that’s for the critics; I was truly thrilled & entertained, & for me, the movie HAD an ending, that is the closure for Rob & Beth. Best of all, thanks to our good seats, none of us felt even the slightest nausea, though Chris in Penang said he almost refilled his pop corn box with puke. Final/current verdict:

Alan, who still wants to act as macho movie critic: 8.5/10 stars
Melvin, who didn’t know anything about the movie beforehand: 11/10 stars
Me, who had high expectations of this movie: 9.5/10 stars
IMDb: 8.1/10 stars
Rotten Tomatoes: 78% fresh!Photo_12_hires

    This is 1 of those movies that will either be loved or loathed by some, but for these 3 jokers, we were united soundly in opinion. I stepped out of the hall with my cup of Coke still 80% full; I forgot to drink it. Never felt this satisfied since Transformers. Oh yea, I didn’t spot this, but apparently there is a splash of water behind Beth in the final scene where she says “I had a nice day”, so you might wanna watch out for it if any of you are going to watch it again. Also, after the credits, there is a voice recording that says “it’s still alive…” when played backwards.

    Overheard in a conversation between Alan & Melvin, who are housemates:
“Oi, do you know that we are running out of toilet paper?”
“Yar, didn’t you realize I started using water this morning?”

    Uh…no comment.

    On another note, it is saddening to read about the headmasters who enforced this separation of male & female students rules in their schools. Hey, even UTP does that at some level. Going back to primary school, I remember boys & girls just mixed freely, & boys like me, we didn’t give a hoot about the fact that girls were girls. We bothered more about how to play harder, how to avoid being caught during those jengkek sessions, & how to pee as fast as possible & get out of the stinking toilet. The funniest moments were shared between guys & girls in my gang (Hsin-Wern & his combo on Jolene) & even female teachers could not escape (yesss, the ever scandalous case involving Joshua & Puan Rosnah, though Joshua maintains he was innocent). Truth be told, we laughed about all of them, simply because there were no intentions, no hidden agenda, it was pure childhood innocence. & it made my school life much more memorable. Of course, as we moved into high school, we were more aware of our hormones, & naturally, even without enforced rules, guys hanged with guys, & girls just naturally hanged with girls. Of course, we did mix around a lot, but naturally the canteen was divided into boys tables & girls tables, & it was common that the person sitting beside you in class was the same gender as you. But to enforce rules such as a gender division in classrooms, allocated gender staircases & corridors would be preposterous! If 2 girls in the form of Poi Li & Yi Lin were not allowed to sit just in front of my table in classes, I probably would have failed subjects like Chemistry, Maths & Biology, considering the number of lab reports & homework I copied from them. Of course some sexual remarks & jokes between guys & girls were aplenty, you can’t avoid those in high school, it was normal interaction.

    Of course, back then, the number of sexual cases was not as alarming as they are today, & tragedies of young kids being kidnapped & brinjal-inserting were unheard of. In view of these cases, I acknowledge the fact that something needs to be done, but I highly doubt something as extreme as what these headmasters are doing will be fruitful in any way. The fact that those chickens are avoiding any press contact is enough proof. Looking at how much more memorable my school life was because of the shared moments between boys & girls, I can’t help but feel that the more people are controlled, the more we are curious, & the more we want to become uncontrolled, leading to worse consequences. Can we ever come up with a solution? Where did we go wrong, that Malaysia is now inhabited with truly inhuman sicko bastards?

    I was about to launch into a long paragraph about our screwed-up government, but then I decided to backspace everything, simply because enough has been said by a lot of other people. We all know the reason Malaysia still thrives on so-called TOLERANCE & harmony is because the minority TOLERATES the majority in the race population. It’s when you ruffle our feathers, then we will make an issue.

    Maybe that Cloverfield monster will come to Malaysia & trample on all our stupid ministers (starting with Uncle Sam) & save us the hassle of trying to overcome a corrupted, rigged & inept election in our process to get the right people to govern our country.

Here’s To A “Healthy” 2008…

    Overheard in office:

“Not bad, the fella can last damn long…what, 44 minutes? 55 minutes?”
“Something like that…got Disc 1 & Disc 2 sommore!”
“Yalar…that’s why he’s our HEALTH MINISTER!”

    As Malaysians usher into 2008 with news that our Health Minister had been extra healthy (& recorded himself, or was recorded, or whatever, being ding dong healthy), I wonder why the big news splattered across newspapers are about the video’s scandalous nature. They should instead be raving about how the heck a 61-year-old can actually last that long! I mean, hey, that’s probably what qualified him for the post in the 1st place! I can imagine the interview:

“So Dr. Chua, tell me, what makes you think you are good enough for this job as Malaysia’s Health Minister?”
(Typical Dr. Chua’s no-nonsense style)

“Because I can shag a much younger chick for almost an hour, no problemo.”

“Wow! Macam Austin Powers la you! You are hired!”

    Okay, jokes aside, the fella isn’t doing himself much favour by all his crap talking after he resigned. Stop talking & blaming stupid reasons, & admit you made a mistake. The dude’s not even sorry he did it, that bugger! Man. Anyway, the media should also stop making such a big hoo-haa of this issue either, I don’t see them making soooo much fuss about corrupt politicians, which in my view, are as scandalous. I mean, the cover of Hannah Tan’s debut album (her in a smoking hot bikini) was waa-a-ay more erection-influencing than the possibility of Dr. Chua’s 1 Night in Katerina Hotel, Batu Pahat DVD being in the market.

    Also overheard in the office: “Eiy! Got picture of Indians ady!” Colleague exclaimed, while pointing at a picture in The Star. “These bastards, never post pictures of Indians before, after Hindraf issue, then only tarok har!” He had a point, my colleague. How may pictures of Indians have you actually seen in The Star before the Hindraf issue?

    Anyway, the end of 2007 to the welcoming of 2008 was pretty eventful, Jessicaalbaparademi1with Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked-up, the Wanita Rempah reunion, Westlife still singing covers, but for me, the biggest news was Jessica Alba, MY Jessica Alba, the cause for this world’s jantans’ wet dreams, is preggers! Okay, I didn’t even know the word “preggers” existed, credit to Hot magazine for creating this word. Back to the issue…DAMN! Alba is pregnant! Yup, many guys can now scratch her name off their list of ‘Celebrities I Would Like To Hump Before I Die’. For the next 9 months, at least.

    Closer to home, our government continues to make many empty promises. It’s always the same thing, a problem will occur, a committee to handle the issue will be set up, then a committee to handle the committee that handled the issue will be set up…at this rate they are giving a lot of people committee posts to just…I have no idea. Oh yea, effective from 2nd January my company will be known as simply Mercedes-Benz Malaysia. Works fine for me, not many people know what is the company behind the brand anyway.

    Overheard in the office: “Okay, but I have to unzip first before you can see all…”. Unzip a zipped file on the computer, not what you think…

    I’m sorry if I sound a tad messy here with jumbled topics, I’m just typing away with whatever comes across my mind since I’ve been accumulating topics to blog about in my mind for more than 2 weeks now. I’ve been wanting to say this about The Golden Compass for a very long time, it SUCKETH. Oh man, this was so like what I felt after Eragon. Well, at least Eragon’s storybook sucked, so they had not much to make a movie from, but Phillip Pullman’s novels actually were fascinating! Sure, I didn’t quite enjoy the books as much as the Potters, but they were interesting enough. The Golden Compass was oh-so-messy, with the most horrible ending, & what a sin to give Eva Green (& her fruits) & Daniel Craig so little screen time. Photo_23_hiresI also do not understand what the raves about Dakota Blue Richards’ performance were all about, I found her simply kayu! I have to confess however that Nicole Kidman was spot-on as Mrs. Coulter, a beautiful one at that. National Treasure: Book of Secrets was entertaining, but very much forgettable. The plot does not make sense once again, but of course, Diane Kruger is positioned there to distract all of us from the story, she is 1 hot babe. It sure is handy to have a hot babe to almost save the movie, just like Kidman did for Golden Compass, & Sienna Guillory’s hot elf for Eragon.

    With 2007 supplying a healthy dose of blockbusters that rocked & sucked,Darkknightposter1 2008 looks as pleasing. Top of my list would be The Dark Night (Heath Ledger’s Joker looks pissing scary), while Harrison-Han-Solo-Ford makes a comeback as Indy Jones, not forgetting Robert Downey Jr. as Orang Besi. Not too interested in Prince Caspian however, because, frankly, the lead kid characters just are plain uninteresting. I mean, look at the Potter movies, they rely a lot on the strength & chemistry between the 3 leads, that continues to grow. Hey, even Radcliffe is beginning to act now. Hermione…oh Hermione.

    Oh oh oh…I almost forgot. Switchfoot is coming to town! February 2nd, KLCC Convention Centre! I came into office on 3rd January being surprised by Anida, the Sharifah Amani lookalike girl who sits in front of my cubicle. Switchfoot_1“I’ve got good news for you.” – “Ape? Gaji naik?” – “Switchfoot coming to KL!”

    I bought the tickets for both Chris & I right after work that day itself. After missing Muse last year, ain’t gonna miss another chance like this! Tickets are going at RM120+RM3, so guys, hurry up!

    I think I gotta stop here, the main reason being I gotta go to the loo. I’m in Starbucks now actually, ripping the benefit of a RM11 cup of Caramel Machia-whatever-tto. I just realized the brilliant side of Starbucks going wireless. As the main part of what they are serving is coffee-based, & since coffee induces the urge to go pee, that means you can’t really stay at Starbucks to use their wireless access for too long anyway. Starbuckggers.

    In the spirit of racial unity, I end this entry with this story I heard from someone, about a new school principal giving his motivational welcoming speech to his board of teachers in a meeting.

Principal : “We must always work hard, work smart, & smile always!”
Teacher 1, whispering to Teacher 2: “Yeala…the Indians work hard, the Chinese work smart, & the Malays smile always!”

    Joking-lah. I think.

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