If There’s A Future, We (Have) It Now: The Return of Paramore, Live in KL 2013

There was no build-up of any suspense, no prolonged intro. Ethereal quiet “ooohs” came on, 4 drumstick beats followed, then BAM – Paramore launches head-long into the opening track, “Now”. The stadium went berserk. Paramore is f**king back.

Personally, there were many reasons for me not to go to The Return of Paramore, Live in KL 2013. Firstly, I’m no longer young. My partial-OKU status, what with my destroyed spine disc, meant I was far from qualified for rock-zone-physicality. Even more, past experiences remind me that I no longer am fit to, for example, fly to Singapore, line up at 12pm, swallowed in hordes of teenage punks submerged in their iPhones, basking under sunshine & rain for a day while awaiting entry till 7pm, then standing, jumping, then getting compressed, violated, pushed & tumbled down by kiasu, over-enthusiastic rock-zone-mosh-pitter-wannabe-monkeys.

But there were reasons to go also. Yes, they are my utmost favourite band, that’s a given. The last time I saw them live was in Singapore in March 2010, & I missed their October 2010 show on our own soil because I was offshore. The bonus this time was that it was held in an indoor stadium, so environmental concerns are removed from the equation. The sound wouldn’t be bastardized too. I was helped by the fact that my favourite woman in the world loved me so much she bought us tickets for the seating zones where fat asses, not-so-loaded kids, free-loaders & OKUs are preferred. In addition, I needed to get out of this whole SNSD-crazed-syndrome, & who better to smack me back to my senses than Paramore?

Most importantly, we had to, for one night, unite & show Paramore that we are still here for them. We had to answer Paramore’s call in their latest single – “if there’s a future, we want it now”. To say the past 2 years have been troubled times for Paramore as a band would be an understatement. The looming vibe & anger that first surfaced & inspired their previous album’s works, Brand New Eyes, finally erupted into a full-blown fiasco that reached its peak when the Farro brothers, so integral to the essence of Paramore from the very beginning, left the band in an emotional fallout. But Hayley, Jeremy & Taylor soldiered on, & judging by the number of us who turned up on February 17th night at Stadium Negara, we are still here for Paramore, & we sure as hell want more.

Then of course, there’s that tiny little reason to rule them all – something that, well…rhymes with Bailey Billions?

Let’s not kid ourselves here. Yes, Paramore is a band. But this confession is coming from the deepest freaking Parawhorish heart of mine – in Hayley Williams, they have the most awesome frontwoman of our generation, & it is her all-round talent, vocal prowess & charisma that sets the band apart.

Yup, that tiny little reason was more than enough to lead yours truly’s veteran ass into Stadium Negara, sitted amongst those kids.

We’re ready!

Opening act mewithoutYou from Pennsylvania kick-started the show at just before 8. Okay, truth be told I didn’t really dig their kind of music style, what with all the sing-speaking-screaming vocals & all, but damn their band sound was pretty darn good. They did however seem to play on forever in what was a longer-than-expected set, which was fine, but my ass & lower back were starting to hurt. Then the heavens parted & God answered in the middle of mewithoutYou’s set when a speck of blazing orange-y red hair appeared from backstage to join in out of nowhere. Sweet Mother of God, it’s Hayley! Prancing around & joining in the singing, wrapped in an over-sized sweater & army pants, she could not have been any cuter. She disappeared backstage right after a song. What a tease.

The band said their thank-yous & good-byes, the stage was cleared, lights were lighted-up, then dimmed. This is it.

There was no build up of any suspense, no prolonged intro. Ethereal quiet “ooohs” came on, 4 drumstick beats followed, then BAM – Paramore launches head-long into the opening track, “Now”. The stadium went berserk. Paramore is f**king back.

So there I was in a rock concert, seated down for the very first time in my life. Hands raised, head-banging as much as I physically could to the stunning euphoria that has erupted on stage. The two girls in front of me however could no longer hold themselves. It wasn’t long before they lifted their butts off their seats & started jumping & gambolling wildly (but extremely awkwardly & unsightly too, I might add). Now, afew years earlier I would have not minded it & would probably even outjump them, but that was years ago. As they were blocking the views of myself & the people behind us, I politely tapped on the shoulder of the more-tomboyish-looking lesbian (sorry, I mean girl) & delicately gestured them to sit down. They were visibly surprised & shot me venomous looks that could only mean “Why the f**k are you all sitting down in a bloody Paramore concert.” I completely understood that. Years ago, I would have probably punched this current pathetic version of me in the balls.

Apparently even Hayley agreed because, to much of my own amusement & embarrassment, just a song later she said out loud to the crowd: “I see all you beautiful people sitting comfortably at the back there. & we are all happy & good. But by the end of this if you guys are all still not standing up, then we’re gonna have some real trouble. Yes, it may hurt a little. You guys are going to be sore for a whole week, KL!” (something like that la, as far as I can recall & summarize)

To which tomboy-lesbian-girl perfectly-timed her retort to me: “Hear that, f**ker!”. Oh, to be young & energetic.

I, along with most of those around me still seemed too comfortable, but it became clear it was getting impossible to resist when Hayley hollered out a 2nd invitation to stand up, dance & finger-snap to “Fences”. Screw this, I’m gonna rock out. I spent the rest of the concert standing, head-banging, arms-flapping & jumping (well, okay, jumping is physically a little too far-fetched) like a retarded teenage punk. Yes, for an hour or so, I almost forgot about my back.

I do not know exactly how many songs they sang, probably about 16-18 songs or so. But it was clear Paramore meant (misery!) business, & they were bloody damn in their element. Outstanding moments? Too many. That fiery “Oh, Father” outro at the end of “Let The Flames Begin” that had Hayley singing lying down. The massive singalong during “The Only Exception”, also one of my most cherished memories from their Singapore concert 3 years ago. The epic crowd atmosphere that accompanied “Brick by Boring Brick”, & of course, the closing number, “Misery Business”. The customary Jeremy+Taylor back-flip during “Pressure”. & I absolutely loved the fact that they performed all 4 songs from their last Singles Club album – “Renegade”, “Hello Cold World”, “In The Mourning” & “Monster” – which were all always underrated, brilliant songs. I also loved how “In The Mourning” was delivered acoustically with just Taylor on the guitar accompanying Hayley, as how this song started & was always meant to be compared to the over-produced album version.

I have to say the Farro brothers probably weren’t missed, but Zac’s drumming was probably more impactful. That being said, former Nine Inch Nails & Angels & Airwaves drummer Ilan Rubin did a commendable job on this tour, & I believe he is also the stand-in drummer for the coming album as well. As all good concerts are, by the time the last chorus of “Misery Business” ended (led by invited-onstage-fan Lucy), it all felt too short, but we were left absolutely satisfied. Sure, I would have liked it if they sung their old gems like “My Heart”, “When It Rains”, & “Emergency”. But who am I to complain, when all I feel is an out-pour of gratitude to Paramore for coming back again.

As we walked out of the stadium, I asked my better half of what she thought of Paramore’s awesomeness live, to which she uttered “They really sound exactly the same live & recorded.”

Look, my dearest of all, I love you with all my heart & soul, but this is where you are very very wrong – Paramore, spearheaded by the explosively spectacular Hayley Williams, are one of those rare ones that actually sound better live. They just really need to be experienced live.

With this, thank you thank you thank you thank you Paramore for coming back. & thank you to the tomboy-lesbian-girl too, for inspiring this broken veteran to physical lengths he had no idea he could still reach.

& with that in mind, I think I’m good for 2013. No more concerts, I’m all good.

Unless SNSD decides to drop by of course.

All pictures published are credited to http://entertainment.malaysia.msn.com & http://www.room8five.com, since I didn’t even bother to smuggle in a camera this time.

Nobody’s Home

2 days ago…

Yesterday…

Tonight…

My own actual room is becoming a weekend getaway 🙂

The Girl in the Train

Today I saw a girl in the train,

A girl so flawless she would turn all straight women gay;

I know I would probably never see her again,

So I’m left with only a spellbinding memory of today.

Train rides are usually experienced in pain & with disdain,

But today’s just completely made my day;

So here I am writing this down with only 1 question in my brain,

Where were my balls when I needed them to seize the moment & have my way?

– an original crap written on a Tuesday morning, inspired completely by you, the one with the sparkly eyes, voluptous lips, plastic spectacles, shoulder-length hair, red dotted top & black Zara knee-length skirt –

Image posted strictly for visual purposes & has does not reflect any actual reality. It is the first image to pop up if you Google “the girl in the train”.

40 Things I Would Do If I Was Made Prime Minister

1. Appoint Daphne Iking as my Deputy, & Marion Caunter my PA. What? A leader is nothing without the team behind him.

2. Scrap the entire 1Malaysia Tower project & use the money to pay Daft Punk to reinvent the music of Negaraku.

3. & if there was leftover money, I’d pay Kimi Raikonnen to come over & appoint him Pengarah JPJ.

4. Ban people from bringing children or babies into bars, or fathers (& mothers) from smoking in public right beside their babies/child. Come on people.

5. Invite Paramore & Katy Perry into my Putrajaya office. & all you rakyat too. We are so gonna have a rockstar party there, & thus bring some life to Putrajaya.

6. Stay away from Mongolian women, especially those who happen to have “Altantuyaa” in their names.

7. Not marry someone who has the tendency to play with C4 explosives.

8. Send my children to Hogwarts.

9. Ban all Justin Bieber & Miley Cyrus music from the local radio airwaves.

10. Hannah Tan is my Home Minister. She’ll keep the peace & the naughty boys at bay for sure.

11. Call Hillary Clinton to tell her “Ma’am, I like you – but I like your husband more”.

12. Call Obama every evening & ask him “Hey, so how much more screwed-up is your country today?”

13. Send a postcard to George Bush with only one word on it – “WANKER!”

14. Send a vulgar sms to Silvio Berlusconi.

15. Local Censorship Board – off you go.

16. & with that, put “Californication” on RTM1.

17. Ban all 3D movies from cinemas. For eternity.

18. Award Datukship to Carmen Soo.

19. Give Malaysian citizenship to Katy Perry & Russell Brand! Just because I can. Now wouldn’t that be grand.

20. Make international artists’ concerts a monthly affair, & ensure Lady Gaga is on the list. Come come Coldplay, Muse, Paramore (again & again!), Lifehouse, Metallica, Radiohead, Sara, Ingrid…

21. MIC new president – Russell Peters in da house!

22. Make El Regina Tajuddin or Leong Mun Yee my Youth & Sports Minister.

23. Add Samy on Facebook so I can show my utmost gratitude towards him with a wall post – “Thanks macha…for stepping down. Regards, PM.”

24. Create a “Minister for Magic” post, who will take care of the welfare of all “Muggles” in this beloved country. & the post goes to…Emma Watson. Gotta get her a Malaysian citizenship first though.

25. Namewee, I’m making you Minister in my new Music Ministry.

26. Give the Health Minister post back to Chua Soi Lek. Hey, you gotta give some credit to the man’s health.

27. Crack down on the number of foreigners entering our country. I want my wantan mee or chicken rice made & served by locals once in a while, thank you very much.

28. Too bloody many Old Town White Coffees. Chop chop.

29. Give a public holiday to every of Nicol David & Lee Chong Wei’s international victories.

30. Ask Nurul Izzah Anwar out for a date on the pretext of forging closer ties among opposing parties.

31. Demand Glee to give me a guest spot as Quinn Fabray’s one night stand. My scenes would naturally involve alot of making-out with Dianna Agron.

32. Replace daily prime time news with David Letterman.

33. Rename Ron 95 as Ron 1Malaysia, & Ron 97 as Ron-Takde-MyKad.

34. Finally get to ask Proton “What in the bloody hell were you thinking when you made Proton Juara & Proton Tiara?!”

35. Still thinking what I should do with that Proton Inspira thingy.

36. Taxes…hmm. *Cracks knuckles*

37. Tolls too. I think you know where they are going.

38. Enforce a law on swimming pool attire – only proper swimming trunks, swimsuits or bikinis are allowed, anything else is considered illegal laundry in the pool.

39. Well, I always wanted to go to Space…

40. & finally, I would of course have to end global warming, support charities, increase minimum wages, increase petrol subsidies, support world peace, improve public transportation, better the economy, lower automobile sales taxes, harsher penalties for child rapists, drunk drivers, & other typical assholes, increase government transparency in all crap, & all the other usual yada yada yada hogwash.

Disclaimer: The fact that I have to put a disclaimer (& unless you are just really dumb or can’t understand English) should clearly indicate that this post is pure bullshit & not ISA-worthy.

I am a Freakin’ PARAWHORE & I am Going to Miss All of This

I am officially depressed.

Gonna scream my lungs & balls off at the sea tonight.

19.10.2010.

“19th Oct..make sure u’re free. Paramore is coming to KL” – message received 12.41am, 27th August 2010.

Say whooooaaaaaat?!

It’s official :

Paramore in KL, 19.10.2010, National Stadium Bukit Jalil.

Now the only thing is, based on the initial nightmare I experienced in Singapore, I think I’m getting too old for the “mosh pit”.

Personally, as always, I would have really gone bonkers if they decided for an intimate acoustic showcase like this:

It just never happens in our country does it? But hey, everyone, you better get your big fat asses down there on that day. Except “Twilight-Paramore” fans, ngahahaha.

This year’s already looking up =).

Oh, I hope this time Josh doesn’t fong fei kei & they bring along better merchandise tees.

Project: Ipoh Revisit

I thought I was away from KL for far too long, stuck in the middle of the seas, sweating in the middle of the dust & noise of warehouses…

But just 5 days in for a pit stop in KL, & my heart & head & balls are screaming to get away for a break from KL!

So, just like back in those days in UTP when you felt like you are completely abandoned, lost & isolated in the gettos of Tronoh, we made the decision to execute Project: Ipoh Revisit. The goal? To conduct quality inspection on favourite makan places that were frequented & discovered back in uni days, in 1.5 days.

In actual fact, this revisit was long planned ever since we felt our feet drag away upon graduation, leaving behind the “old town”ess of Ipoh & the delightful stomach wonders this town offered. We just felt like we couldn’t wait anymore & decided to make it a spur-of-the-moment adventure. So we came up with a list of all the favourite mouth-watering food locations we always went to, & crammed all of them absurdly into the 1.5 days we had in hand. The only thing that was gonna stop us from devouring all in the “impossible” list was our lack of fitness & aging stomach.

Turns out these 2 factors were more than apparent during this trip. But let’s not lose focus here.

:: MOB TO IPOH ::

So, checklist needs to first be…well, checked. Empty stomachs – check. The best company in the world – triple-check. Comfortable clothes a.k.a. Quicksilver boardpants – check. Shades – check. Money – duh. Car in good condition – chec…oops, had to service the car in the morning before we departed. Uh oh, that’s gonna lose us a couple of hours of precious food-time! No worry, mintak extension sikit…catch-up plan is to drive faster lo.

& along for the journey, for the very first time, is the my newly purchased compact ultra-zoom Panasonic Lumix DMC TZ8!

I may be small but I can zoom your ass off

This dude is coming along for the ride to provide some visuals. At 12.1mpxls, 12x optical zoom & 16x digital zoom, this dude burned me for RM1180 together with an 8gb memory card.

Saturday morning, off we departed from the concretes of KL into the uneven ridiculously bumpy highway towards Ipoh.

:: UNPLANNED APPETIZER ::

As usual, we made a stop at the rather-packed Tapah rest house for bladder pressure release, but due to the blistering afternoon heat blessed upon us by the fireballness of the sun, the sight of Baskin Robbins hollering to us “What’s Your Favorite Flava?” was irresistible. So, first consumption of the day goes to Strawberry Cheesecake &…I forgot what was the other scoop she chose, but it’s something that is associated with chocolate & nuts.

What’s your favorite flava? Lai lai

Strawberry cheesecake…the best flavour by BR. Anyway, this tastes better than it looks, trust me. Total damage – RM14 something.

Before long, the familiar sights of Ipoh soon dawned upon us.

You know you are reaching when you see sights of caves!

Macam Sepet kan?

:: BRUNCH ::

First official Ipoh stop: Under the Tree! Okay, actually I have no idea what this shop is actually named but they sell stuff like fried beancurds & “yong tou fus” & stuff parked under a tree, so people seem to call it under the tree & we kinda stuck with it.

See the tree on the right? You gotta believe us that there is something about this place, seeing that we are willing to eat hot shit under a hot tree shading us from the hot sun

The freshest crispiest beancurds ever, these are fantastic. You may whallop the stuff just like that, or get a bowl of curry & choose to do the following: dip & eat, or soak & eat. Amount spent for this – RM6.90 (with dry noodles)

The mix-pork-internals porridge (that’s the best I can do with my translation, sorry) goes only for RM2.40 here, which is pretty good. But I still think Pusing’s the best

The drinks here are kinda at rip-off price, but we usually go for the Red Bean ice. Do note that next door to this tree-stall is another food court that has more structural concrete & integrity to it, & apparently they sell the same supplied “yong tou fu”s & all there too. However we still prefer the authentic feel of consuming fantastic sizzling fried beancurds under a tree.

Next on the impossible itinerary is a pit stop at this little shop called Funny Mountain for Tou Fu Fa & soya bean!

You may eat while sitting on the limited small benches & stools, or you may line your cars up & they will attend to you in the comfort of your car. For environmental & traffic purposes, I encourage you to just park your damn car & walk a little up the mountain that’s funny, you big fat cows

She claims it’s the best tou fu fa in the planet! (I really hope my translation isn’t as horrendous as it looks to me)

Now we had to find some time to waste while awaiting our stomach to complete its cycle of digestion & for our appetite to recover for the next meal, so we went to the most generally popular hangout place in Ipoh…Kinta City Jusco. Lolz.

Okay, we had no idea what to do aside from getting bored by the sight of similar-styled chicks & wankers, so it wasn’t long before we were spotted lining up for movie tickets. Since Toy Story 3 was full (aik, Ipoh ahbengsahlians watch Toy Story wan ka!), the only acceptable movie that had ticks was the Cruise-Diaz Knight & Day. I’m glad I decided this post was not going to touch on movie reviews…cause I myself was struggling to keep my night away from my day throughout the movie.

:: DINNER ::

Anyway, it was time for my personal main agenda for the whole revisit, the ridiculously delicious Pan Mee at Gunung Rapat!

Only now I realized this shop’s called Restoran Chung Wah

Don’t ask me for directions to this place cause I have no idea how to explain it in detail. Back in uni days we just said it was “somewhere near Suet Yeng’s house”. Now the thing I need to warn you guys about this place is, the food is great, but you gotta be prepared to wait for it. The usual timeline for the food to come is 30 minutes. Some of my friends even walked away after an hour of waiting. But us? We love this place, so it just had to be in the list. The uncle usually starts cooking at 6pm, so try to come at a suitable time, if not you are not gonna get a place to sit, or you might be waiting till 11. Oh, try to sit outside if you can get a place, cause the inside’s gonna get your ass baked to perfection before the food arrives.

Alan told us last time the standard waiting time is 30 minutes upon delivery of chopsticks

You may choose from the soup version…

But this is the real killer. Dry pan mee that comes with killer ikan bilis. Don’t fret, they also give you a bowl of soup with vegetables, meat balls & pork that’s so tender it’ll make you cry

Time to mix up the sauce that’s hidden underneath the noodles

Ready to be eaten! All this for RM3.20 per person – the serving’s a healthy portion I’m telling you!

I seriously do not know how to explain to you how amazing this pan mee is. The sauce is not salty, the soup has a lot of garlic but the taste is so neutral. It’s practically tasteless, so why the hell does it still taste so good? I’m no food expert, but I believe this boils down to the texture of the noodles. Guess this kind of explains why the uncle takes so long to prepare them. In this corner shop, aside from the pan mee there are also 2 other stalls. I suspect the stall that sells fried stuff (chicken, sausages, that kinda snacks) makes loads of profit from people who are too hungry while waiting for the pan mee.

Full & satisfied, there were 2 more spots to hit before bed, but we needed a rest so we decided to check into Impiana Casuarina first. Thanks to our big green company & corporate rates, the two of us have enjoyed the likes of Mandarin Oriental & Awana far too much we found ourselves unwilling to go any lower than Casuarina or Syuen in Ipoh. How times have changed. This is not a good thing!

:: SUPPER ::

The alarm to our snoozing rang at about 10pm. Grumpy & sleepy, we told ourselves that the impossible list is not impossible, so we freshened ourselves in a jiff & jetted off to supper locations. First up, Indulgence.

Don’t go to this place on Valentine’s. It’s madness, I heard. Like Puduraya

Now this place is cosy & really perfect for a long chat, but the meals are a little too pricey for what they offer, so I wouldn’t really recommend their main meals. The desserts however, are a different story. To be exact, we were only there for the Ultimate Brownie. No, I’m not exaggerating, that’s what they really named it. There are many brownies & cakes on display, but we only wanted one, we wanted the ultimate one.

It’s cosy I’m telling you. Lots of cushions like Delicious

Hold on a sec, WTF is this? The serving of the Ultimate Brownie this time around was absolutely pathetic. Back a few years, they served it all warm without the top being melted off. This time however, it looks like something that came out of the waiter’s ass

Thankfully it still tasted as lusciously good as ever. We ordered a 2nd one, however this time we made sure it bore more similarity to the previous ones we loved, so we demanded from the waiter to accompany the brownie with loads of warm chocolate syrup & cream with chocolate powder. They used to decorate the syrups nicely too, this time around the serving & decoration is just plan disappointing. Didn’t anyone tell them that in these kinda places, the food’s gotta look as good as it tastes too?

This is what I usually order, Choco Mellow! Hot chocolate with a marshmellow & chocolate sliced rolls to fool around with. This goes for RM15, while the brownies cost RM7 each

I kid you not when I claim that Indulgence’s Ultimate brownie is the best brownie in Malaysia. Though these little desirable brownies have failed to meet the ecstasy I felt devouring them the very first time years ago, I always leave the Indulgence bungalow satisfied & my teeth a little more magnetic to ants.

Then it was time for the real supper. No Ipoh trip is complete without Lou Wong Taugeh Chicken!

Those guys who work here are pretty noisy & horny by the way

1 person tauge & noodles + 2 person chicken portion goes for around RM14

Best accompanied with my favourite, dry hor fun, you may also choose soup hor fun or chicken rice. Opposite Lou Wong is Onn Kee, which also serves taugeh chicken. They are good too, but I’ve always preferred the extra oiliness & saltiness in Lou Wong’s recipe.

Feeling all bloated & unhealthy, it was time to hit the pillows & rejuvenate for tomorrow.

:: BREAKFAST ::

Day 2 morning found us dragging our feet unwillingly towards the dullness of Casuarina’s buffet breakfast spread. If we had a choice we would gone to Kledang for the dim sum, but since this was included in our bill…well, cuba dulu lo.

What do you see?

Let’s just say the buffet spread did not feel like a spread, more like a splat. Not many choices, & the eggs (scrambled, mata kerbau) tasted suspiciously funny.

:: LUNCH ::

The thought of having lunch at one of our favourite spots kept us alive. Nam Heong here we come!

Now the locals have told us that Nam Heong & the opposite shops are the original shops way back in those days that made white coffee popular. The place is usually packed, so be prepared to share tables with strangers or sit at the back alleys

In our opinion, Nam Heong’s white coffee is a little milkier while the opposite shop’s white coffee has a thicker coffee taste. An iced glass serving goes for RM1.50, or you can tapao for RM1.70 each

But the real reason we always come back to Nam Heong is not only for the white coffee, but the food they offer here. I personally adore the Char Kuey Tiau. But the serving’s very small, so you may want to decide on the “big” option

Nam Heong’s dim sum, though offering very few choices, is delectable. My better half loves those egg tarts…

…& these little buggers. Unfortunately I have no idea how to translate what they are called into Roman letters

That boy on the right has grown up! He used to be this short little rascal who cheekily took orders for kuey tiau & gave me a face when I ordered wrongly last time

Word of advice, you may want to watch where you park your car & where you walk when you come to Nam Heong. Lots of birds happily ready to deploy bombs around the area

That place certainly brought the smile back to our faces.

:: DEMOB & RETURN TO PURGATORY ::

It wasn’t long before we realized we could not check the other spots in our impossible list, as we had to snap back to reality & drive back to face the Mondayness of work. Among the missed spots include our favourite late night dim sum in Kledang, Bercham steam boat & grill, fish head noodles, salted chicken, Menglembu honey chicken, Pusing kuihs & mix-pork-internals porridge, & Starbucks…joking.

I wish we could just make a U-turn

Total amount spent on all the food? RM110. That’s 1.5 days worth of Ipoh food equivalent to a Chili’s meal for two. Interesting…especially when you gotta note that we didn’t really go for a completely budget-food-trip (almost half of that RM110 is contributed by Indulgence & Baskin desserts) so you can about see what the rest is worth.

The revisit project was exhausting, but absolutely satisfying, memorable & worth-it. All in all, the food still tasted as good as ever, exactly as we remembered & wanted to remember them (minus the disappointing service at Indulgence). Left us a little bloated & reeling from indigestion though, haha. In a way, I’ve gotta say I owe UTP a big thanks for this. Because if my university was not located in such a bloody forsaken spot surrounded by trees, monkeys, wild boars & cows, I would not have been introduced to the many small delights of Ipoh.

& honestly, thank God for the wonderful food offerings of Ipoh, because during the many times I’ve been in Ipoh in the past 5 years, I felt like shooting the person who claimed “Ipoh chicks are freaking hot” in the balls.

Last of all, I leave you with a word of advice if you are to give the best makan places of Ipoh a try. Bring lots of tissues (cause none of the above places offer any except Indulgence), & be prepared to sweat!

To Yasmin

Yasmin Ahmad, 1958 – 2009.

Local films & advertisements will never be the same again.

Sepet, 2004

Talentime, 2009

Param’s Bicycle, Merdeka 2003

Tan Hong Ming in Love, Merdeka 2007

“Our children are colour blind. Shouldn’t we keep them that way?”

From Stingrays to Sepang

KV just found out 3 of his female uni friends purchased new laptops to replace their spoilt ones just very recently. Which kinda demonstrates that something is quite not right with our fairer sex, since we guys tax our laptops waa-a-a-y more than the other species, yet ours are still working fine. Go figure. Yes, I am gladly, & justifiably, stereotyping! Even met a girl who never thought of the basic need to install an antivirus program, teeheee.

PPPPPIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!

Frankly, I have no idea how to construct a Formula One car sound with roman letters, but it sure was mind-blowing!

It all started when Ed the Meche Nerd & I the Meche Stud formed a partnership to participate in UTP’s Formula One Innovative Design Contest. What we had to do was to come up with our own conceptual design of a Formula One car using a design engineering software (CATIA/AutoCAD) & justify our design innovations. So, deciding to go all-out in our creative flair (since Ed is a CATIA maestro, making it a software-design reality would be quite possible) while taking a heck load of liberties with FiA’s rules & regulations, we designed with implementation of some radical concepts such as a covered driver cockpit, lowered engine air intake, oval sidepods, extended rear side bodies that sweep above the rear wheels, a 3-blade 2008-inspired front wing, & we topped it all off with a split rear wing, all in the name of aerodynamics – minimizing drag, increasing downforce, reducing rear turbulence – & more importantly, innovation. Our Formula One concept car was given the name The Stingray.

What Mr. Nerd & Mr. Stud we weren’t prepared for was actually qualifying for the final top 3 teams. Or that we had to present a formal technical presentation in UTP’s Chancellor Hall in the final. Or, even more significant, that the judges who would be evaluating us in the final are Mario Theissen (BMW Motorsports Director), Peter Sauber (Sauber Team Principal), & (are you ready for this) the BMW Sauber F1 drivers themselves, Robert Kubica & Nick Heidfeld.

Robert Kubica & Nick Heidfeld during the autograph session at UTP Complex

Yup, in case you have not read it from the papers, the BMW Sauber F1 team dropped by UTP during the week leading up to Sepang for a Formula One-filled day of activities, coordinated by Petronas Motorsports & UTP. & one of the activities were the presentations by the finalists of the Innovative Design contest.

Introducing our concept design

Presenting at the Chancellor’s Hall in front of the crowd & the panel of judges

Explaining how we tackled the surface pressure analysis factor into our design

We ended up as 2nd place winners. I think we presented well that day (based on feedback, since we had reporters & students coming up to us personally telling how impressed they were with our design & presentation), & the judges were not too hard on us (questions came from Heidfeld & Theissen, who commented that we were being very adventurous, haha). It was an exceptionally humbling experience, being my first technical presentation in front of the mighty BMW Sauber F1 bosses & drivers; yet what an opportunity it was! & me having to orally present in the intimidating Chancellor’s Hall was daunting yet memorable, & surprisingly I was not exactly nervous, so it was a first sign of how beneficial the PCS course was!

All the winners with (from left) our Rector, Theissen, Sauber, Kubica & Heidfeld

Supporters, thank you very much!

Posing with UTP Rector, Datuk Dr. Zainal, & our mock ticket

Wait till you read what we won as prizes each. Sepang F1 Grandstand Diamond Corporate Platform tickets worth RM1950 each, a RM600 BMW Sauber F1 sling bag (ridiculously, & suspiciously, overpriced), & accomodation at Hotel Maya KL with certain meals provided from Thursday to Monday! Pretty awesome for what only started as a little creative afterthought eh?

So on Thursday, off the top 5 winners went on a fully-sponsored KL/Sepang tour trip that was jointly sponsored by ESPN & Petronas. We the UTP design winners were joined in the group by other contest winners from Singapore, Thailand, Taiwan & Indonesia, though their contest was not a design competition, rather a guess-the-champion kinda contest. But just like them, I was taking this trip as a welcomed honeymoon break from UTP life.

Yawning before departure. Mak cik cleaner not coming along for the ride

First thing upon reaching KL, check into a 5-star hotel

With the most bubbly, fantastic, open-minded chaperone you can ever get, Miss Suhana

This was taken during the 1st night buffet welcome dinner at the hotel, which was impeccable – huge oysters, sushis, sirloin steaks, marshmallows & berries dipped in chocolate fountain, topped off with Haagen-Dasz

More sponsored goodies!

With Jacinth & Juliana, our tour group coordinators from Leo Burnett, at the KLCC sky bridge

At Menara KL with Pearl & Kiddick from Thailand

The whole group – big hearty thanks to ESPN & Petronas from Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia & Taiwan!

Marching towards Sepang, Qualifying Day

A wet Race Day: BMW Sauber supporters for the day. Petronas, please ignore the red bags

Would have very much preferred to join these guys: the prancing horse of Scuderia Ferrari has always been in my heart since I was a kid

Couldn’t resist a Ferrari polo tee, RM300 hangus. Ed also puchased one though he wasn’t a Ferrari fan at all, damn potong stim for loyal fans like I

Having corporate platform ticks allows you a free Golf GTi ride from the gate to the grandstands

With my old Mercedes-Benz Malaysia colleagues, Anida & Liz, at the Mercedes-Benz booth. How I miss them, such delightful colleagues they were during my internship there

Anida: “Tahun nih got your McLaren SLR kat display!”

Pictures like these make me feel tall & huge.

Juliana & Jacinth showing who’s behind all this

The F1 drivers performing their publicity duties. Apologies to Petronas, Kubica & Heidfeld, for I was cheering for Raikkonen

The gorgeous M-Benz AMG safety & medic cars. I was drooling at the SL63 AMG, that babe purred like no other

If cars are not your thing, there are always the local women to oggle at

But if local women are not your cup of tea, salivate at imported babes then

The teams setting up at the grid for the formation lap. Thank you Kimi for qualifying P7, for you were directly in front of us! Watching the extremely thorough Ferrari engineers & crew working was an inspirational moment

1 of the main reasons I was looking forward to, seeing my idol – Michael Schumacher, the only driver who was as mean as the machine he drove. He waved back at us when I joined the crowd in hollering his name. The sore throat was worth it, could have died a happy man that day.

It’s Kimi Raikkonen! Looking as oblivious-to-the-crowd as ever

He didn’t even look remotely interested in shaking Najib’s hand, it was quite obvious Kimi did not give a shit

When the race started, let’s just say…thank God for those ear plugs

20 V8 engines rumbling together waiting for the red lights to go off, & screaming away towards the first corner…the sound was so unbelievable I could have shat, or shitted…whatever, in my pants. The sound itself was worth the admission price. You have got to hear it LIVE

Button in his overperforming Brawn GP

A lying arrogant wanker called Hamilton in his underperforming McLaren

You would have known by now that the race was later red-flagged because of the rain & looming darkness

Which led to rather bizarre scenes

A picture-perfect moment of the BMW Sauber crew packing up in the pits after the race

1 of the disadvantages of watching an actual Grand Prix live is that we totally had no idea what the hell was happening, & amongst the confusion, the rather horrible commentary (or rather, mumbling) over the grandstand speakers did not help. However, putting aside the red flag & the wait & all, the race was a sublime strategic face-off coupled with spellbinding tactical brilliance, with half of the racing done in the pits. Absolutely insane stuff, & it would have been perfect if the race was eventually restarted, but well, we can’t have it all.

After the race, we had free admission to the Jamiroquai after-race concert held at the helipad area just beside the race track. Corporate hospitality was again being blessed upon us as we had a special viewing stage for corporate ticket holders, along with free food & flow of drinks, beer & wine included. Incredibly, not even the constant downpour could dampen the crowd’s spirits, & Jamiroquai was pretty much in their element. Even though their songs sounded pretty much the same,  they certainly brought the funk to Sepang. The muddy grounds were not very kind to my Porsches though.

View from the corporate stage, Jamiroquai strutting their stuff onstage

Eventually, all good things come to an end, & we discovered that the end of our honeymoon break arrived only too soon on Monday.

Miss Suhana doing her last jig (hangover from Jamiroquai the night before) before returning to her daily executive responsibilities in UTP

Departure back to Tronoh. Rats.

& after 5 days of 5-star treatment, I have to start getting used to the idea of not waking up in the morning to a hot shower & buffet breakfast.

Thanks all for the gorgeous pictures, especially to the DSLRs of Cem & Saf!

Spotted, on the Road…

How could anyone possibly resist those pair of eyes?

Those gorgeous eyes that sparkle ever so seductively in the day, & shine in their full glory at night, ensnaring us dangerously with every of those sexy glitters forming the curves & straight stretches that underline the borders of the whole eye features…

Those elegant eyes that leave you with an orgasmic moan of awe day or night, hopelessly smitten when you glance upon them as they (seemingly) flirt outrageously with you as they pass by…

Today, as I drove along the highways & roads that formed my route from my university to my hometown for the Chinese New Year holidays, there were a fair number of mamahotchicas on the road to wash my eyes upon. Like many, such road drives are often opportunities for me to enjoy salivating at those freaking hot automobiles as they fly pass my own automobile on the highways, looking longingly at them (mostly only their butts by the time I noticed them or their models), dreaming in envy knowing I very well could not possibly own one myself. Following swiftly after the automobile look-over would be the quick & extremely judgmental glance on the vehicle occupants, special attention given to the driver. If the person behind the wheel was a young man, I would go “lucky arse”. A fat old balding man – “rich bastard”. A young teenager – “ahbeng with rich parents”. Hot young chick with oversized shades – “Fuuuyo. Damn I would like a ride on that…uh, car”. & the most stereotyped judgmental glance? Aunty behind the wheel – “Cheh. Sure got rich husband. Or perempuan simpanan of rich fat old balding man”.

Today was an eye-opening experience, & it does not involve Ferraris or Lamborghinis. But before I get into the main star of today, let me speak first of the other supporting casts that were outshone. Spotted, halfway through my journey, was the Mitsubishi Lancer GT. Not one, but two passed me by today. Adding salt to the wound would be the fact that they were both hot blazing red in colour, which was frankly & appropriately, the only paint the Lancer deserves. Now it’s no secret I’m a big admirer of the Lancer’s strong physical designs, where it is one of few cars that boasts equally awesome looks in both its front & rear features, & its fantastic & worthy price considering the segment it is in. Look at those headlamps. The front lamps sort of barks out “Fark you!”, & the rear lamps glare menacingly at you with the same “Fark you!” feeling. But lately there were incidents that really potong-stim‘ed my enthusiasm for the Lancer. First was the fact that the other paints offered aside from the blazing red – silver & black – seriously & significantly reduced the ooomph factor of the Lancer’s garang look. Then I found out a lecturer in my university owned one (not going to elaborate on the WTF feeling of this). The final nail hammered down upon me when our tuan-tuan polis ordered 25 units of the Lancer Evos to be utilized as patrolling units. That one seriously WTF-potong-stim.

But who the hell cares about the Lancer when there were those pair of eyes…

Today was also the first time I saw the new Autobot-ish Honda City on the road. Depan macam transformers celup, belakang macam BMW 3 Series celup.

But who the hell cares about the City when there were those pair of eyes…

Everything was shoved violently aside when, spotted, upon an innocent glance at my rearview mirror,  with a swooping sensation electrifying through my spine, the aforementioned 2 jaw-dropping eyes flirting back at me through the mirror, in the form of the LED daylight running lights of the Audi A4.

Instead of the “Fark you!” feeling of the Lancer headlamps, the Audi A4 LEDs were purring “Hey baby~ I’m gonna make sweeeet lo~oo~ve to you reaaal goooood~ all day~ & all night long~” in the most ridiculously exotic & seductive way, I’m telling you. That A4, gleaming stylishly in stunning white, stayed for a few seconds tagging behind me, before scorching past me on the right. & then it was gone.

I didn’t even bother looking at who was behind the wheel. & you can ask her how expressive my orgasmic moaning was.

Boy those Audi LED daylight running lights are really kicking BMW’s eagle eye lights’ asses.

The visuals included here which I took from the net do no justice whatsoever compared to seeing them on the road for real. I don’t care how many car magazines & reviews have discussed how the 3 Series & C-Class totally outperforms the A4, because this baby A4 is by far one of the most awesome (albeit in an understated way) looking eye-catching 4-door saloon in the market at the moment.

Maybe when I see more & more of them on the road my current craze would dissipate slightly, but I guess sometimes, Ferraris, Lambos, SLRs & Audi R8s are not the only hot babes on the road that can snatch my heart away.