It's nothing personal. I'm just…

“It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is now dead.”

I Am UnGleeful

Oh no, Glee has done it again. The show just pissed me off again. Like, really pissed off.

Who cares, you say. Well I do. Cause they bloody woke me up from my blogging slumber. You see, the thing is, I come here to vent my absolute delirious anger at something usually not because it is bad. Well, okay, because something’s bad, but what’s worse is when something COULD have been good, or WAS good, until they completely screw everything up & turn everything in the complete opposite direction.

Like when fresh milk goes bad. Or when Katy Perry married Russell Brand. Or when Selena Gomez hooked-up with that Bieber lesbian.

Or my exhaustive vent about In Time.

Now Glee, one of my favourite series which I still religiously tune into week in & week out regardless of its continuing f**k-ups, has just successfully entered my hall of shame.

What were they thinking with Season 3’s Episode 10?

It started so well. First, Helen Mirren’s imperious voice-overs for Becky was, well for the lack of a better word, Queenly. It’s Helen Mirren, people!

The girls nailed an emotional, heart-felt “The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face”.

Emma had loads of screen time, even surprising us all with a song, & her tearful, honest plead to Will was just endearing. There’s nothing I don’t love about Jayma Mays.

Rachel was outstanding in an epic rendition of “Without You”, turning Guetta+Usher’s whiny crap into a power ballad. I mean, this was not typical Rachel-Berry-good, it was really really REALLY mind-f**king-blowing good – the best from Rachel this season thus far. Hell, the best solo Glee performance yet.

& of course, we have this hilariously awesome moment of Sue to remember for the rest of the season.

Then it all went to hell at the pool.

How long have we all waited for this glorious moment of Will finally proposing to the delightful Emma. & of all the songs, they chose that noise-pollution garbage “We Found Love” by Rihanna.

In a synchronized swimming performance.

Oh the horror of this mighty f**k-up. I mean, who found what shitty love in what f**king hopeless place? Who? What? Where?

& in the mean time, Rory’s still popping up here & there without any real purpose or presence.

& where the hell’s my beloved Quinn Fabray?

What nonsense is next huh?! Glee in 3D?! Oh wait, they already did that…

Anyway, I stumbled upon this picture from Dianna Agron’s twitter.

Well aren’t these two a sight! I’m sure Quinn can easily “straight”en out Blaine. Why don’t they write that down for her plot, since they are disgracefully wasting Quinn anyway.

In the mean time, another musical series is coming. I’ve seen the first episode of Smash.

& all I can say is, Katharine McPhee looks smoking hot & sounds amazing. Always knew those pair of…uh, lungs…were under-utilized all this while.

She joins my list of There-are-so-many-hot-women-on-TV-these-days consisting of Dianna Agron, Emily VanCamp, Kaley Cuoco, the Deschanel sisters, Leighton Meester, the Dunphy sisters, & the entire main ensemble of Pretty Little Liars.

Every Boy Needs A(nother) Toy: Part IV – & Every Boy Wants A Freaking Lambo!

What does this author/wanker & Bruce Wayne have in common?

He’s gonna be driving the gorgeous new Aventador in next year’s The Dark Knight Rises.

Mr. Wayne’s will come in black, naturally.

& now I have one too!!!

Only mine happens to be the cheapest Lamborghini you can get your hands on. But it does come in the same glossy bold orange finishing! Kakakakaka.

Still, it’s every boy’s wish to own one of those outrageously exotic Italian rides, so let this be the first step towards…the continuance of dreaming about my dream. 😀

12. inches owned, a couple of meters more to go!

Orange, yellow, red…am I having some kind of personal crisis I’m not aware of?

Read Part I, Part II, or Part III.

What Ringtones Say About Your Ass (Accompanied By Angels)

It’s 3pm, 7 hours on the dot since the meeting kicked off, with no end in sight. Tensions are high as a group of important-looking asses are engaged in a heated, endless, suffocating debate that consists of many jargons that you don’t really need to know about except that a lot of ka-ching is involved. Someone breaks a sweat. Someone else shifts his colossal ass uncomfortably. On one end a lanky bloke gulps down a bottle of Evian water to quench a little of his exhausted throat thirst, getting ready to launch another tirade against the other belly-overload guy on the other end of the table, most eager to tell him that everything about him is wrong. The belly-overload guy stares back at him, ready to receive & fire back an onslaught of rebuffs, also secretly sniggering underneath because he’s been screwing that lanky bloke’s vivacious wife for years now & the lanky bloke has no idea. But I digress. In short, it’s a typical shitty meeting of a bunch of important-looking people.

Then, someone’s cellphone starts ringing. Oops, he forgets to silent his phone, so the whole room hears a hilarious Russell Peters shout “Be A Man!”, then switching to “Somebody gonna get hurt real bad tonight” blaring out of those miserable iPhone 4 ass speakers. Bam! Tension’s gone. Everyone snorts. “Shit that ringtone’s funny. This dude’s wacked awesome!”, you’d think.

Same situation, instead this time it starts with the “Everyday I’m shuffling” of LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem”. Immediately this goes into your mind – “Oh, pretty cool song. Probably would bump into him in Zouk on Fridays.”

Imagine the same situation again. Now you hear a baby giggling uncontrollably. You go “awww…so cute.”

Last case scenario. Any song cut from that insufferable kid named Bieber. “*explitives* LOSER” flies straight through your mind. Right?

Suffice to say a ringtone, or any type of notification blaring from your phone inadvertently subjects you to some sort of judgement of your own personality by those unfortunate enough to have experienced the decibels. A quick browse through CLEO & online sources & here I’ve done a quick 5 minute summary (quoting from the sources & adding a lil of  my own words too) of the types of ringtones & what they say about oneself. So, which are you?

Oh yea, on a totally unrelated but still related topic, I’m just going to be posting images of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011’s backstage moments in random in this article. Simply because my mind keeps switching back to those leggy stunners, aren’t they much more interesting anyway?

Back to the list. Here goes!

1. Silent

You are probably the strong & silent type, in addition super-considerate above all else that your personal calls do not bother anyone. Which probably means you are a workaholic.

2. Default (a.k.a. those Nokia tones)

Either you are too busy for your own good, or this reveals your inability to keep up & master technology. Oi don’t know how to change ringtone kah?!

3. Animal Sounds

You’re a prankster who loves those dumbfounded looks on people when they hear the mating sounds of a group of horny monkeys. Or, you’re into bestiality.

4. Chart toppers

You see life as a popularity contest & yourself as a social butterfly. Popular jams have mass appeal & as much as you don’t admit or would like to pretend otherwise, you like to be liked.

5. Hip-Hop, R&B with some Obscenity Thrown In

You are those with some passive aggressive social issues who love putting on a swagger, often seen talking or tweeting about the week’s shenanigans. Boss probably won’t be able to take you seriously when Akon whines about “wanting to fark you” from time to time. You may also need counseling in your near future.

6. Heavy Rock or Pop

You’re on the nervous side, you like the big city, and you just hate feeling trapped. You tend to move quickly, but don’t always consider the consequences. You drive a sports car or a funky truck, and you drive it pretty fast.

7. Movie or TV Themes

You most likely do not have enough drama or challenges in your own life. Or you are running away from your own life.

8. Country, Soft Rock or Oldies

You’re a romantic—a nostalgic, with a keen sense of rhythm. You like to dance (or would like dancing if you’d ever bothered to learn). You would rather be a follower than a leader, and you are charitable.

9. Jazz

You are an explorer, both anxious to try new things but with a little patience thrown in.

10. Classical Music

You’re a genius with impeccable tastes! Or that’s what you’d like people to think. You aren’t fooling anyone into thinking that you’re a connoisseur of the finer things in life.

11. Custom-made ringtones

You have a unique personality, an entrepreneur of originality. You don’t follow the crowd, but dance to your own drummer. It is also highly likely you are mostly a swaggering egoistic leader with big balls.

12. Themes from either Sesame Street, Star Wars or ICQ

You think you are all retro, vintage coolness, but you are just a Big Bang geek. Not a bad thing though, you may have a Penny waiting for you somewhere out there.

13. You Change Your Ringtone A Lot

You have Attention Deficit Disorder. Fickle, undependable & bored easily. At work, you’re that dude that always checks out early, & in life, you’re that dude that goes through a woman a day (or attempts, & fails miserably, to do so)

14. Justin Bieber

You’re a loser who does not belong on this planet. (fine, I made this one up completely on my own)

So! Let’s see what my current diagnosis is.

1. Main general ringtone: Coldplay feat. Rihanna’s “Princess in China”, which I personally rearranged heavily to fuse only the best parts together. A yet-to-be released-on-the-radio track that is a curious concoction of modern pop between 2 unlikely artists, which falls somewhere in the likes of no. 13 & 6…I’m a swaggering egoistic unique leader with big balls who drives a sports car or a funky truck.

Dang, so close.

2. Personal favourite contact ringtone: Santana+Mercedes with Glee’s version of “Someone Like You/Rumour Has It”. Um, a little bit of no. 4, 6 & 7? I’m a social butterfly that drives a funky truck running away from my own life. Har har.

3. SMS ringtone 1: StarCraft Terran Command going “Bleep! Nuclear launch detected…”. Nerd alert!

4. SMS ringtone 2: Coldplay’s “Life in Technicolor II (Prospekt’s March)”. I seem to own many funky trucks.

What’s yours? Stop cheating, & don’t you even dare change that Bieber ringtone of yours…(insert violent evil laugh here).

This is just bonkers.

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011: When Heaven Sent Angels Down To Earth To Strut Their Butt Cheeks, Among Others

Pictures may not be safe for viewing in the office. Unless you work for Hugh Hefner.

It’s the time of the year again! Christmas is coming, sales are everywhere, shoppers going bonkers swiping their credit cards as if everything on sale is for free.

& also, I heard Heaven had a recent temporary shortage of Angels because they sent their front-line stunners down to Earth to strut their thang in Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2011.

I won’t lie, I have not been watching the secrets of Victoria on the runway annually since the excellent 2006 edition. I recall that year as being the last of the best, because everything went downhill after that. 2006 was Gisele’s final year as an Angel. She was my favourite, an epitome of elegance, strength & stunning glamour all in one, & the last “true supermodel” (she’s not the highest paid supermodel since 2004 for nothing right?). Miranda Kerr, an excellent replacement, succeeded her in 2007. The 2006 show also had Timberlake as the music artist accompaniment, who proved to be surprisingly effective in line with the show’s themes.

Years on, I sort of lost interest, only browsing through the shows as the lingerie got more ridiculous, the “extra clothing” & wings got even more monstrously elaborate (I thought this was about the lingerie? Less cloth please!) & the music artists, from Will.i.am, to Usher & Katy Perry, were pretty mundane. I also did not agree with how all this additional distractions were slowly taking away some of the spotlight from the Angels themselves.

Thankfully, in my humble inexperienced opinion, this year they finally got it right. Or at least regained some of the past rights.

Now the thing about a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is that it really isn’t about typical fashion is it? There’s no ANTM drama & bitchiness, no pouty models freaking out or pulling another’s hair, no Tyra mail, no gay dudes trying to hog all the cameras. Instead what you get is closer to this quote I sourced from somewhere online – “These dream creatures actually smile. And wink, wave, dance and blow kisses while wearing next-to-nothing lingerie. The VS models are impossibly leggy, rail-skinny yet voluptuously curvy with pretty faces and big, wide smiles.”.

I won’t go on a review rampage of the show from a fashion angle obviously, simply because I know nuts about that. All I know is I thoroughly enjoyed the stunning Angels, the good music & the whole entertainment on display. & these are 8 bloody damn good reasons I truly appreciated this year’s extravaganza, & 4 that made me sort of puke.

1. Alessandra Ambrosio – undisputed Goddess of the night; simply outstanding!

Alessandra was it: the STAR. She certainly did not get the overall better outfits, yet she was beyond jaw-dropping gorgeous this time around. She brought what you would call the X-factor to the show, the A to the Angel, the A to her Alessandra…you get the idea. She worked the fan, the tutu, & not forgetting the heaviest bloody wings ever created for VS, still she was most charismatic & dazzling! Her 30-pound-winged outfit on the top picture above was the best of the night, perfectly captured during her slow-mo shot coupled with Rihanna’s “California King Bed” chorus. That, ladies & gentlemen, is how you capture an EPIC moment. A truly spectacular job, Alessandra.

2. Adriana Lima was all powerrrrrrrrr

Talk about the right energy. Adriana, as always, had the most powerful, dominating presence & walk. No one, not even Wonder Woman herself, could have worked a superheroine outfit like that any better than Adriana. Now when you put Adriana side by side with Alessandra letting loose at the final walk…you just entered Brazilian heaven sans Gisele. Sexayyyyyyyyy.

This is a little too much beauty & love for me to handle

3. Miranda Kerr still has an insanely beautiful smile

Miranda…sigh, ain’t no words left for her. Not so sure about the aquatic 2.5 million bra, ’cause just like Orlando Bloom, I was completely zoning on that insanely cute face of her all the time. Now why are all the hottest this year all moms?!

4. Okay okay, some of the other Angels/models were drool-worthy too

It was obvious Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda were a class (or a cloud?) above the rest of the Angels. However, I would single out a very molten-hot Candice Swanepoel & Doutzen Kroes as the other Angels who delivered. What’s good this year was how the models seemed to really have a good time, the outfits they wore were generally interesting & pretty awesome, all-in-all redeeming some of the spark that was glaringly missing from the previous years. But notice that experience does show: while Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda looked so comfortable swaggering down the runway looking like they were having the time of their lives (almost over-enjoying themselves in fact), the younger ones still looked a little tight & too controlled.

5. I absolutely loved the slow-mo shots

Yes, epic shot of the night

A really nice addition to allow us to “wooooo” at the slowed-down flawlessness of the models in all their glory, which got slightly over-used as the show went on however. But the good overshadowed the bad, just like every of Alessandra & Miranda’s ravishing end-of-the-catwalk shots, & even the Kanye+Jay-Z “hand-bouncing” the crowd sequence. The Adam Levine kiss on Anne V slow-mo was just crap though (har har).

6. The focus was on the Angels/models

The Angels are the stars, & anyone who would argue against that is either stupidly mad or madly stupid. Let me express my absolute gratitude that the general focus were maintained, most deservingly, on the leggy beauties. All the behind-the-scenes & in-between takes were about the Angels themselves. How wonderful it is to just watch & listen to these beautiful creatures of the Earth, clad in their VS pink robes, blabbering in their ultra-attractive varying accents about their past, their superhero powers dreams, their childhood pictures, glossing over each other, looking & sounding really smart. Sure, it may be too sugary & all but who the fark cares. It beats the previous years where they did things like interviewing celebrities on why they were attending the show. Now that, I mean – who the fark cares?

7. The music was Top 40 material, good & effective

Unlike previous years where they did not even bother to at least try to match the music with the themes, this year not only were the music chart-topping material, they went really well with the different themes of the show. Ballet dancers+piano music was a nice touch as the opening introduction…then Bam! You have Taylor Momsen purring to “Make Me Wanna Die” to great effect.  Most of the music were top notch stuff (I said most, but we will get to that later). Kanye did not disappoint with “Stronger”, a song he intended to perform in 2007. On paper this might have seen like a dated choice but this is Kanye, & he worked it. He of course reappeared again with Jay-Z to the bouncing delight of the crowd. The in-between takes scenes even had songs from Florence+The Machine & Coldplay.

8. Sui He & Liu Wen – Asian awesomeness on display

Hurray for Asian power! Sui He especially looked amazing & was a runway sweetheart by all means. Both of them did all of us real proud leading the Asian representation in this year’s show.

But again, what do I know about fashion? Nothing. I just know how to appreciate beautiful women. At least I hope I do. & I know how to criticize too. Here comes the bad bits:

1. The younger crop of girls were just not up-to-par

Only Kanye seemed interested

There was always something extra special about a VS Angel. Look at the likes of Gisele, Heidi, Tyra, Karolina, & current ones like Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda. Aside from that supreme aura of invisibility these legends seem to have, they also know how to look equally as incredibly fit & voluptuously slim at the same time. The younger girls this year however were all skin & bones, looking just sweet & pretty without much depth beyond that. New girl Karlie’s extremely skinny look pretty much summed it up. Alessandra, Adriana & Miranda need to give some lessons to this crop. But heck, what do I know about this right? Maybe you need to be a mom to reach that level of hotness…

2. Maroon 5 & Adam Levine sucked

The music had two sore points. One of them was Maroon’s mediocre live performance (the 2nd is point no.3). Adam Levine didn’t even sound like he was trying to do his best singing, instead just seemed mostly like he was just waiting to publicly show his affection for Anne V. Yea yea, we all know you have a supermodel girlfriend, we know we are not as fortunate as your tattooed ass, you really didn’t need to make it all about you did ya now?

3. Nicki Minaj, bleh

Well, I never fancied her anyway. But she repeated one mistake that hogged many of the previous years’ shows, when the music artists tried to take over the stage with a whole battalion of dancers that were a big farking distraction to the models walking down the runway. While the whole PINK section this year was pretty much a Minaj section & her “Super Bass” was undoubtedly catchy enough, there were just too many colours & dancers that gave me nothing but an eye-sore.

4. What? No Rosie?

I do not know why she did not walk, maybe she was too busy saving that pussyboy ass of Shia, or donning a Burberry trench coat. Whatever the reason, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s imperious pout & attitude would have capped off 2011’s edition quite nicely.

So, 8 vs 4. Safe to say, this year they indeed got it right.

Yes, I’ll see you next year girls!

Hogwarts: A Decade

I could not have said it better.

The best 10 years (the books, 1997 – 2007) & another 10 years in between (the movies, 2001 – 2011) of my life.

Taken from http://9gag.com

 

Only Jessica Alba Can Make Such Hot Twins Squeal Like This

Honestly, who can blame them? Presenting, the hottest mama in the history of mankind.

In case you are wondering…

The Girl in the Train

Today I saw a girl in the train,

A girl so flawless she would turn all straight women gay;

I know I would probably never see her again,

So I’m left with only a spellbinding memory of today.

Train rides are usually experienced in pain & with disdain,

But today’s just completely made my day;

So here I am writing this down with only 1 question in my brain,

Where were my balls when I needed them to seize the moment & have my way?

– an original crap written on a Tuesday morning, inspired completely by you, the one with the sparkly eyes, voluptous lips, plastic spectacles, shoulder-length hair, red dotted top & black Zara knee-length skirt –

Image posted strictly for visual purposes & has does not reflect any actual reality. It is the first image to pop up if you Google “the girl in the train”.

Rumour Has It That Glee Just Came Out With The Best Mash-up Ever

I did not see this coming.

This has certainly been Adele’s year. Her songs, her vocals, her live performances – all out of this world. Then came Emily Luther & Charlie Puth to blow me away by providing a stunning alternative duet version that equaled Adele’s original.

Now, coinciding with Adele announcing my favourite track from her, “Set the Fire to the Rain”, as the 3rd single, lightning has struck twice – because Glee just shocked my balls by producing what is quite possibly the best mash-up – hell dare I say it – musical number, ever. “Rumour Has It” & “Someone Like You”. Genius. Genius genius genius!

Now that’s a bold statement. The episode’s not even out yet, but the timing just seems so right. So. damn. right. Santana is just killing it. Great choreography. My previous favourite mash-ups were unsurprisingly “I Feel Pretty/Unpretty” (where Quinn completely owned the song & outshone, believe it or not, Rachel Berry) & “Anywhere You Want It/Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin'” (how did they not win it with this?).

But there’s not even a single doubt that this is just a class above everything else.

Glee Season 3 has been solid so far. I’m liking where this is going.

Now once a full mp3 track is available for download, I’m raping my iTunes replay button.

In Time: Give Me Back My Time

I’ve realized that I haven’t been blasting any ammo from my arsenal on movies for months now. That’s saying something as in the past I have truly enjoyed myself glossing or crucifying movies here. In fact, the whole summer blockbuster season of 2011 passed by without me saying anything about any of them. For the record, I did not share:

1. My overwhelming euphoria at the glorious, spectacular Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part II & X-Men: First Class

2. My grateful relief at the polished Captain America & Thor

3. My gleeful surprise at Rise of the Planet of the Apes & Bridesmaids

4. My wide-eyed wtf-is-this-shit face at The Green Lantern

5. My overblown ears as a result of Transformers: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Is Hotter Than Megan Fox

6. My delirious mental condition at The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’s mind-f**king (eyeball-f**king too) trailer

7. My busted stomach from all the laughter at Obedient Wives Club news clip on YouTube.

(No, I’m not going to taint my blog with any images related to that garbage)

So when I finally decide to express myself about a certain movie in what is my 100th blog post, it surely means that the movie either granted me a whole majestic moment of epiphany, close to converting me into a new religion, featured a mighty hot chick, or totally pissed me off.

Unfortunately, In Time gave me the latter.

Let’s see what was in this movie.

Firstly, Amanda Seyfried in a killer hairdo, with killer eyes. She didn’t even need to show off her best curves, just a tease was sufficient.

Secondly, I’m quite sure this is the MILF movie of the year. All the mothers were hot. If Olivia Wilde was anyone’s mother, everyone would have been a motherf**ker.

From left – Grandma, mom & daughter. I can’t even begin to share what’s going on in my mind & pants just looking at this image.

Next, you have Cillian Murphy as the Timekeeper. He’s not exactly the villain, but Murphy played this character with such ambiguous coolness a whole new TV series could have been made out of him.

Right. 3 absolutely amazing things going on there, & I haven’t even touched on the brilliant concept of this movie. The near future where humans either die or go Forever 25, time as currency, & Justin Timberlake is still alive. A plot that shouts heaven for sci-fi fans. This could have been the next The Matrix, the next The Fifth Element, the next District 9, the next Blade Runner, the next Dark City. But noooooooo, this will now be known as just another movie that featured the curly-haired boy from ‘N Sync.

Look, I put no blame on Timberlake. Frankly he did nothing offensively wrong here, he was quite harmless.

What pisses me so much is the fact that In Time could have been the next ground-breaking sci-fi movie of our generation. But instead of developing its potentially rich concept & the enigmatic character of Timekeeper in Cillian Murphy, it chooses to be mediocre by wasting precious time on an unengaging Timberlake & a misfiring romance.

Well…at least Seyfried looked absolutely delicious.

Audiorization For The Moment

Oh Sea here I come!

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